Vanity Vednesday

When I run for President, and yes, I mean when, I will have one platform and one platform only. It will polarize the entire United States in a way our founding fathers never imagined. People will look back on the health care debates, abortion, even slavery, as the days that we may have had our issues but underneath it all we were all Americans with more to unite us than divide us.

When elected President, I will ban vanity license plates.

Big promises, I know. But for right now, as a Virginia resident I am shit out of luck. Or as they say in vanity-speak:

Warning: The vanity plate tool on the DMV site is sneaky addictive

Because according to some USA Today article SIXTEEN PERCENT of the plates issued by the Virginia DMV are of the vanity variety. (1)

Until the time that prisoners have been freed from this demeaning task and reassigned to picking up trash by busy highways, I will now re-dedicate Wednesday, formerly known (occasionally) as Mostly Wordless Wednesday, to Vanity Vednesday. One seventh of the week devoted to mocking vanity license plates. This will continue until I receive a letter from the American Vanity Plate Association ordering me to cease and desist. (2) Or until I emerge victorious. Fifty-fifty, it could go either way. Well maybe 30% chance I lose interest, 35 % chance of the cease and desist and 35% chance I emerge victorious.

There is, however, a zero percent chance of you ever seeing this on my Honda

As an added bonus, most pictures will be shot with my iphone from a moving vehicle, ensuring optimum photo quality. Without further ado, because if I needed to sum up this entire post in one word, that word would be "ado," let us commence Vanity Vednesday.

I was pretty happy too when I got disbarred

1) A number so egregious that I needed to spell it out so I could bold and italize it for emphasis. 16% See how that's just not emphatic enough?
2)Except I'm pretty sure I just made them up.