Thursday, October 14, 2010

Flat Stanley for the Bravo Generation

Ah, Flat Stanley. The cautionary tale of a boy who gets smooshed by a bulletin board and ends up, spoiler alert, FLAT! (1) Our hero finds the silver lining by getting his mom to mail him to California in a manila envelope. Lest you worry that this isn't the best plan ever, his mom also sticks an egg salad sandwich in there.

And thus was born an entire second grade curriculum. Students mail paper Stanleys to friends and relatives all over the world and take pictures of his adventures. Or rather over-eager parents and grandparents do this. The kids are all fixated on how how bad that envelope must have smelled.

This is actually a photo of a photo. I have a dream that one day man will invent
the technology that skips one of those steps.

We actually colored Stanley a yarmulke and sent him with my mom to Israel. I have an entire album of Stanley touring the Middle East. Do you think my second grader even bothered to show it to his teacher?

Well, Hell. If I'm gonna drag a paper cut-out of some attention seeking whore all over creation, let's at least liven this puppy up.

Introducing Flat Salahi.

I'm surprised they couldn't get a better parking spot.

Fun fact! You can now rent the Salahis, the way you might hire a magician or a James Bond impersonator for a kid's party. (3) You never know where America's favorite couple might show up next. Your nephew's bar mitzvah? The opening of a Hyundai dealership?

Or the mouthwash aisle!

Sometimes a caption is just too easy.

I went to Target for braces wax and a new pill box and found neither.
But they did have 4 different kinds of coconut milk.

1) He was already named Stanley, poor kid. The odds were already stacked against him.
2)We will call it "The Digital Camera."
2) The standard joke is "like one might rent a clown" but I'm trying to be less predictable. Although just by posting twice in the same week, I think I'm ahead of the predictability curve!


vuboq said...

HAH! I want to take the Flat Salahis with me to Detroit!

Do you think you could get the "real" Salahis to crash your spawn's bar mitzvah? B/c that would be TOTALLY AWESOME!

The Zadge said...

Can't you just shove the Flat Salahis into an envelope and send them to the South Pole? All those heinous sweaters that Tareq sports will keep them warm.

Marinka said...

You are a genious! Flat Salahis will make you a fortune! I mean, make us a fortune, because we signed that contract to share all profits and also become life partners!

Anonymous said...

Flat Salahis and Sister Wives?!!!!


monica said...

i totally thought 2 was gonna be called a scanner...

annie said...

Can the Flat Salahis visit other blogs? Because I'd totally take them everywhere!

The Jet Set Girls said...

I thought of everything for eric's birthday: catering, personalized napkins, steel drum band, bartender. If only I had remembered the Salahis...

theTsaritsa said...

Oh my gosh, I LOVE the flat Salahis! I want a pair of my own to take around town!!! So funny :)

Also, to get a better image of a photo on your computer, you could try a scanner!

Anonymous said...

Love this! How are you, friend?


The Zadge said...

Where are you???? Please come back to bloggy-land!