Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sex habits of the African Dwarf Frog

It's important to preface this, SG's first Vlog (1), by explaining that just prior to filming, SG and PCSguy went out for an expensive French dinner. Escargot, lamb chops, grand mariner souffle and a nice bottle of red, the whole 9 yards. (2)

And while PCSguy waited upstairs, SG spent 45 minutes trying to figure out the best way to light her frog pornography.

Because when SG went to the frog store, she was assured that she was buying 2 boy frogs to prevent having to raise a lot of bastard amphibians. SG is a trusting soul, especially when it means she doesn't need to go double checking her frogs' junk.

You may want to take a Dramamine before viewing.

Finally PCSguy googled "Sex habits of the African Dwarf Frog" and learned a new word called "Pseudocopulation" which means "Remind me to go back to that pet store in the morning and thank them profusely for helping teach my 4 year old about the birds and the bees (3)."

1) I don't care what wikipedia says, there is no way that is right. Unless the Russian invented video blogging.
2) OK, that one has to be wrong too. It takes 10 yards for a first down, unless it's sarcasm like "Nice job getting it all the way to the 9 yard line."
3) Henceforth, called 'the frogs and the frogs'. Because seriously, you have never seen a bird or a bee go at it like this.

nb: The Stimey reference in the video is to this post about cat arms.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Ironically SG has a draft folder filled with catchy titles and now cannot think of a single one.

When ShallowGal is asked about her blog and she's too tired to go into the whole "best Canadian blogger" spiel she usually says something along the lines of "It's a nice blog. Kind spirited. Never says anything mean about anyone. " And she's serious; SG lives by the credo that it's easier to say nothing than to say something nasty.

Except about those fuckers over at Kraft. (1) Because I have to tell you, their magazine drives me fucking ape-shit.

It's not that SG's a recipe snob. I'm sure Julia Child had lots of recipes that required 2 ingredients and 1 step:

Luckily SG had preheated the oven in preparation so
now she can go stick her head in it and end this misery

And it's not the overuse of exclamation points to emphasize things that shouldn't be emphasized.

To be fair, they did not claim it was a helpful tip. (2)

It's being misled.

The day off. The whole day off? It's like some sort of magic lasagna that wipes your kid's butt for you, and mediates the fights about whether you pronounce that word tam-pon or tam-poon.
Just by layering some ragu and cottage cheese the night before?

And once I have that day off, do I really need to spend it with my children? Is Kraft now providing family counseling with those recipes? Maybe lacing the mac and cheese with a little xanax?

But other than that, SG likes to think she runs a happy little blog. You look pretty today, by the way. All unicorns and rainbow-y.

1) SG did not pay very close attention in law school. Is there a law against calling a 10 billion dollar company "fuckers" on a blog read by almost 2 dozen people?
What about that FCC ruling?
2) like how to cut them AFTER serving. Now that's a helpful hint AND a cool party trick.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Mostly Wordless Whining ~ now in hi-def!

Because really nothing's worse than being subjected to
expensive water sports lessons on vacation.

1) Possibly SG is bitter because she's never been able to get up on water skis. And vindictive because Noa pushed her off the banana boat.

Monday, August 17, 2009

It isn't officially a vacation until SG drags the posse someplace massively obscure

This should fit the bill

The original destination was the Maryland Science Center but a traffic jam left ShallowFamily short on time. SG pulled out her magical iphone and did a little quick typing. Someone reviewed the National Electronics Museum on Yelp and claimed it was even better than the Air and Space Museum. (1)

This is NOT your mother's museum.

It's more like if your crazy Aunt Sophie with all the cats had an electronics museum featuring a picture of her betamax. . .

And her gross, vague peanut butter cookie recipe.

The showpiece of the museum was this newfangled invention called (wait me check my notes) a FAX machine.(2)

PCSguy and SG spent several lifetimes minutes trying to send each other faxes but instead fixing paper jams and explaining to the kids that THIS is why you have to get a masters degree so you can pay someone to fix the fucking paper tray. Oh wait. We're on vacation. Someone else can unjam the fucking fax machine.

It's really the only way to start a vacation.

1) Upon closer inspection, we discovered that the review was submitted by the National Electronics Museum's mother.
2) PCSguy claims he remembers when people started using fax machines except the diorama explained that the fax machine was invented in 1843 making PCSguy is substantially older than we thought.

Monday, August 10, 2009

A PSA from my 4 year old

There are only 81 more shopping days until Halloween.

And his costume already needs to be held together with scotch tape

Thursday, August 6, 2009

An invitation I absolutely can refuse and other things that don't warrant a full post

You know how SG is always trying to figure out what kind of blog she wants to write? It's starting to feel a lot like an excuse blog, where once a week SG logs on and tells you the pathetic justification for why she hasn't written that week.

But just you wait. SG has at last count, over a dozen almost-finished posts (1) in her draft folder, saved all for some rainy Saturday.

Or not. Take what you can get. Which today is a bunch of crap kicking around in SG's head.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
This was going to be a Mostly Wordless Wednesday, but as often happens, Wednesday came and went without SG ever actually noticing it was Wednesday.

Last week SG got a picnic invitation from one of her volunteer organizations.

SG doesn't want to alarm you but
she is pretty sure that is blood all over the chicken.

Needless to say, SG is busy that day.
In the category of stupidest conversation ShallowGal had all week that didn't turn into a fight but probably should have:

(SG had asked PCSguy to stop at Trader Joes on the way home from work and pick up some carne asada or beef bulgogi to throw on the grill. Instead PCSguy came home with lamb and some story about the beef being more expensive or poisoned or something.)

PCSguy: Isn't this lamb good?
SG: It is good, but honestly, I was really in the mood for carne asada.
PCSguy: You should have told me, I would have gotten that.
SG: I did tell you that.
PCSguy: No, you said "Get carne asada or bulgogi"
SG: Right. Either would have been fine.
PCSguy: But you didn't say that's what you wanted. You should have been more specific.

SG: What should I have said? (2)
PCSguy: "Get carne asada or bulgogi."
PCSguy: Do you see the difference?

The conversation that tells me I need to spend more time with my 11 year old (3)

Scene: Watching the Yankees / Red Sox game

Jake: Do the batters come in any order or do they just go up as they feel like it?

SG: It's all strategic. Usually the best players go first or second except the guy who hits fourth who you call the clean-up hitter and he's usually a really good hitter
Jake: Does the pitcher know that?
SG: Does the pitcher know what? That Alex Rodriguez is a good hitter?
Jake: Uh-huh.
SG: No, that's our little secret.
Jake: Cool.

1) SG debated telling you the topics and letting you vote in the comments which one to finish first.
2) So I know for next time, in case I get that partial lobotomy I've been eying and send PCSguy to the store again.
3) Who knows less about baseball than VUBOQ if that's even humanly possible.