Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Ironically SG has a draft folder filled with catchy titles and now cannot think of a single one.

When ShallowGal is asked about her blog and she's too tired to go into the whole "best Canadian blogger" spiel she usually says something along the lines of "It's a nice blog. Kind spirited. Never says anything mean about anyone. " And she's serious; SG lives by the credo that it's easier to say nothing than to say something nasty.

Except about those fuckers over at Kraft. (1) Because I have to tell you, their magazine drives me fucking ape-shit.

It's not that SG's a recipe snob. I'm sure Julia Child had lots of recipes that required 2 ingredients and 1 step:

Luckily SG had preheated the oven in preparation so
now she can go stick her head in it and end this misery

And it's not the overuse of exclamation points to emphasize things that shouldn't be emphasized.

To be fair, they did not claim it was a helpful tip. (2)

It's being misled.

The day off. The whole day off? It's like some sort of magic lasagna that wipes your kid's butt for you, and mediates the fights about whether you pronounce that word tam-pon or tam-poon.
Just by layering some ragu and cottage cheese the night before?

And once I have that day off, do I really need to spend it with my children? Is Kraft now providing family counseling with those recipes? Maybe lacing the mac and cheese with a little xanax?

But other than that, SG likes to think she runs a happy little blog. You look pretty today, by the way. All unicorns and rainbow-y.

1) SG did not pay very close attention in law school. Is there a law against calling a 10 billion dollar company "fuckers" on a blog read by almost 2 dozen people?
What about that FCC ruling?
2) like how to cut them AFTER serving. Now that's a helpful hint AND a cool party trick.


Trish and Miller said...

LMAO! Thanks for that bit of comic relief on an otherwise blah Tuesday

Inna said...

Darn it SG, you just ruined my amazingly concocted Kraft dinner with your mention of no nutritional value (in your Kraft linked post). I thought this shit had like 6000000 calories with all the high-fructose corn syrup in the crackers and the ketchup and the fake cheese.

Oh, and anything that says TIP is automatically a helpful tip, even if you disagree.

;) ***

*** just in case you couldn't tell I was kidding

The Zadge said...

I paid attention to that part of law school (as I'm quite fond of the work "fucker", especially with "mother" in front of it) - as long as it's true, you can beat the libel claims!

anne marie in philly said...

ain't it amazing how we have to "dumb things down" for all the idiots out there?

not YOU, shallowgal, but the OTHER 98% of the country who can't seem to open mouth without inserting foot?


I'm Julie said...

I for one LOVE those fuckers at Kraft, only because they give you such great blog fodder.

Magic lasagna that wipes your kids' butts.... you are KILLING me!

Great stuff!

MommyTime said...

DAMN, I need to get me some of the magic lasagne. Stat.

Magpie said...

Is that really a recipe using cheese & crackers mixed with juice? That sounds beyond disgusting.

David said...

My magic lasagna cleans the cat litter box and writes my blog posts.

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

You know what I hate about those Kraft Fuckers? I make wonderful homemade macaroni and cheese. I mean it's the SHIT. And my kid still wants the Kraft box macaroni.

Is there room in your stove for another head?

Keyona said...

We all need a little magic lasagna.

Ann's Rants said...


That was that Vietnam movie...the one staring Chevy Chase?

daydreamymama said...

Hi-freakin-larious! Your footnotes in particular frequently make my day, so I thought I'd come out of lurk mode to mention it.

Anonymous said...

nice post. thanks.

Anonymous said...

Amiable post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you seeking your information.

Heather said...

Tampoon? Really? That lends a much more graphic implication to the word...