Monday, March 31, 2008

The time ShallowGal told PCSguy the vasectomy didn't take

Hey there PCSguy ! How's Chicago? Sell many printer cartridges? Remember the time we went to Vegas and the omelet guy at brunch told us that he had two kids after his vasectomy? I don't know why I thought of that.

I was thinking about the very first time I ever told you I was pregnant. June 1997: I was like 11 minutes pregnant. But I was so excited that I drove to your office to show you the pregnancy test. We jumped up and down in the parking lot across from the Crate and Barrel outlet. We kept that secret for 13 weeks because we were so superstitious. Our own little secret.

The second time I was caught a wee bit off guard. Remember how the sewer pipe had burst and there wasn't any water in the house? I kept thinking that it was so ironic that I had to pee so badly all of a sudden when there wasn't a working bathroom. Finally the light bulb went off and I explained to the plumber why I was crying about a sewer pipe. Then I tried to teach Jake to say "I'm going to be a big brother" but he wasn't even two yet. But you were the third to know. Hey I was already 8 weeks pregnant, there wasn't much point keeping it a secret.

The third and fourth times are kind of a blur. It was the winter of '03 and spring of '04 ~ during that time when your dad was so sick. I can't remember how I told you but I'm sure it wasn't anything special. Even with all this practice, I've never been good at breaking the news in a particularly clever or original way.

So the fifth time I was totally freaked out. 2004 had just sucked big time, with the 2 miscarriages and then your dad's death. I told you in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner. You had been traveling but I didn't want to tell you on the phone and I had already told a few of my friends. Fine all my friends. But I needed my maternity clothes back, otherwise I probably would have told you first.

The sixth time was kind of a bad scene. I vaguely recall hurling a pregnancy test at you while you were watching tv. After I lost the baby at 10 weeks, I felt really bad about that.

I don't suppose you see where this is going by any chance?

Hmmm, let me think

Yes, I know you're tired and jet lagged but c'mon, put on that thinking cap. Maybe one of you can give him a hint?

Oooh, I know, I know !

Happy April Fools Day, PCSguy, 3 hours early.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

ShallowGal's dilemma

ShallowGal has a dilemma. (1) Jamie Lynn Spears' baby is due in three months and ShallowGal cannot decide on a present.

Think about it: ShallowGal is Paris' BFF and Jamie Lynn's sister used to be Paris' BFF so there's pretty much no way ShallowGal isn't going to be invited to the shower. Luckily, Jamie Lynn put together a baby registry.

One of ShallowGal's greatest pleasures is mocking other people's baby registries. Sometimes ShallowGal will type in random names (2) into the registry finder. Then I'll yell at these silly first time parents via my computer screen about how they don't need to actually register for a plastic rattle. Somebody will buy them one anyway. Their child will indeed learn to rattle.

But I digress. To be fair, Jamie Lynn did a decent job. Although that black car seat and stroller will get hot in the Louisiana sun. And the bugaboo is so pretty in red. Seriously, what's with all the black, it's a baby, Jamie Lynn. Let go of some of that teen angst. And sweetie, don't you think the tabloids are going to have a field day once somebody buys you that industrial sized breast pump? Nickelodeon paid you well, you can spring for that one.

Mostly though I'm glad she isn't patronizing that miserable boutique who wouldn't help us with our dishwasher.

Fact: ShallowGal can hold a grudge for a very long time.

1) Dilemma is totally one of those words that looks so wrong if you look at it too long.
2) Or even ex-boyfriends names.

Friday, March 28, 2008

A tale of four dishwashers

When Charles Dickens (1) said "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" clearly he was referring to the state of my kitchen appliances.

Because in the 9 years we've lived in this house, guess how many dishwashers we've had? Four? Huh? That's a silly answer, where'd you get that?

True story: When ShallowGal was in the fourth grade she had to take a reading workshop called "jumping to conclusions." I'll see if they still offer it. Maybe y'all can get a group discount.

Anyway the answer is three. Three dishwashers in nine years.

The first dishwasher was here when we moved in. It was the one put in by the builder back in 1972 and looked like this:

Only in Bisque

When PCSguy and I first lived together we lived next to the airport. And it was still quieter than this dishwasher. This one appliance was the bane of my existence. In appliance-land, it was the worst of times.

In early 2001, I ventured to the Maytag store next to the ice rink to buy the 9100 ~ Consumer Reports top pick for that year. It was glorious. Quiet. Bisque. (2) And best of all, dishes came out cleaner than they went in. Sure PCSguy was unemployed and I was deep in the throes of post partum depression but seriously, it was the best of times.

Until the day we got struck by lightening. The whole house. So we went back to the Maytag store and laid out $700 for the exact same dishwasher sans fried circuit board.

Maytag had used that time to tinker with this model, making it into something that you'd find in an elegant model home. Assuming that model home was in Hell.

Instead of water, #3 used battery acid. Dishes came out faded and chipped. Instead of a motor, a bunch of rocks tumbled around making the dishwasher slightly louder than a jackhammer. We returned to the Maytag store to complain, only now it was a baby boutique. And they refused to help us, even though we had the receipt. Bastards.

It was us or him. Finally ShallowGal agreed to replace this machine with the Kenmore Ultra Quiet deluxe that's actually made by Bosch. In Bisque (3) On my way to the Sears "last ever sale on dishwashers ever" I stopped at Costco to see if they had a better deal.

And instead ShallowGal spent all her money on a Wii. The end.

1) Or William Shakespeare maybe? 11th grade was a long time ago
2) Bisque, by the way, is the fancy appliance name for beige.
3) Millie had to replace her fridge recently and was devastated to learn she could not get it in harvest orange. No point, I just thought it was funny.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

An actual conversation with my Mother-in-law last weekend

We're in Millie's kitchen. She offers the kids cantaloupe. So I mention:

Did you see that story on the news about the salmonella in cantaloupe from Honduras? Maybe you should throw that one out.

She looks at me like I have 2 heads and talks really slowly:

It isn't from Honduras.

I inspected the melon but didn't see one of those little stickers.(1) I ask suspiciously:

Then where's it from?
Long Pause:

Magruder's. (2)

Lesson learned: Millie does not travel to Central America for groceries.

1) Fact: My kids think the sticker on the fruit like some kind of a little bonus, like the prize in the cereal box.
2)For those of you not from DC, Magruder's is a grocery store. See, you need to know that to make the story funny.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Bossy's Excellent Road Trip

Yesterday ShallowGal did the bravest thing she's done since, well probably the first time she gave birth without any medication (1) She drove to a bar and met a bunch of bloggy strangers.

It was Bossy's Excellent Road Trip and ShallowGal was invited. Not quite an honor like sitting at the captain's table since really all I had to do was e-mail Bossy and then show up. But for me, this was way harder than it sounds.

PCSguy will vouch for this, I'm actually really shy. He calls it introverted and says it mean I get my energy from within or something but basically it means if I haven't known you forever, I'm going to be afraid to talk to you. Unless I'm drunk, like at PCSguy's 20th High School reunion and then apparently I'm going to tell you I'm a thoracic surgeon and ask your opinion on my upcoming boob job.

Fact: ShallowGal is a fun drunk.

So anyway, after like a 50 minute argument with my massively outdated GPS, I showed up 1/2 hour late at the Continental in Arlington. The entire ride I was trying to figure out how I'd recognize everyone and how to introduce myself. Apparently the best I could come up with was "Is this the Friends of Bill W. meeting?" Lordy I'm such a loser. Note to future self: "Hi" works well.

But these people were so cool ! Let's see I met Amie who lives like around the corner from me, and Sarah who gave me a key chain and Devra who I know from somewhere like camp or soccer although she swears she's never seen me before in her life. I also met VUBOQ who was so funny and Gayle who went to Harvard Law and has twins and then this neat girl who came from Annapolis and once ran a marathon. And the pretty redhead with the sparkly sweater who teaches history whose name escapes me but we agreed that Kate is so mean to poor Jon. (2)

And of course I met Bossy. I've adored Bossy's offbeat sense of humor forever, but became truly addicted when she posted this recipe for broccoli casserole. For weeks I went around saying "If it's still box shaped, it's not finished" like an autistic parrot until finally Lolita Travelsalot told me to stop. Plus I'm totally jealous that Bossy is comfortable always posting in the third person while ShallowGal refuses to completely commit one way or the other.

The first half hour was hard. The conversation was in Latin, I think, with terms like twitter and BlogHer. I half expected Bossy and the rest of the bloggers to get into their flying car and leave me back here in 1982.

After my first $2.50 Yuengling I started to loosen up. We got a menu and I suggested ordering one of everything on the half price appetizer menu. I always say, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Apparently the impression I chose to make was gluttonous.

All in all a ton of fun. Would have even been an opportunity to spread the good word beyond my 7 loyal readers if I could have remembered my flippin URL. Instead everyone else passed out cards and trinkets with their blog address and I kind of stared at the ceiling and mumbled "it starts with a WWW and then blogspot or blogger." First impression baby.

So ShallowGal now has 2 dilemmas. Issue #1: Now that Bossy has come and gone, do I take down her little button on the right? Issue #2: Should I change my URL to something easier to remember like www dot I am a dumb

1) Cause the second time wasn't brave, just stupid.
2) I'm sorry ladies, you have to meet me before my second drink to have me remember your name. If you comment, I'll add your name and links !

Monday, March 24, 2008

The 7 is silent

We're in the car and Noa asks

Mommy, can I have some G-U-M ?

I told her I didn't have any, but I appreciated her spelling it. So Eli chimes in

Can I?

Can you what, I asked, knowing full well he had no clue what Noa requested.

Can I have some, um, (long pause) B - X - E- R . . . (pause) 7 ?

Lordy if I had bxer7 I'd give him all of it.

Motherhood has made me cynical

ShallowGal once read this study where researchers had a bowl of goldfish crackers and a bowl of broccoli. They made yummy faces for the broccoli and yucky faces at the crackers. Then they would put out their hand and say "Can I have some?"

14 month olds would give the researcher the goldfish crackers, but at 18 months they would hand over the broccoli. The assumption was that the children began to realize that different people like different things ~ the beginnings of empathy development.

Empathy, Schmpathy. ShallowGal thinks that the older babies were trying to keep all the goldfish crackers for themselves.

Eli claims the smiley fish taste better

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Brilliant observations ShallowGal makes at 3 am

Of all the things that make ShallowGal crazy, the price of gas never makes the list. Not because the higher prices encourage carpooling and the use of public transportation. Not even because ShallowGal's real last name is Exxon. The price of gas doesn't faze ShallowGal because it could be so much worse; cars could run on infant formula.

During TMCBOTP almost week long visit (1), ShallowGal shelled (2) out $7 for each 32 ounce container of Enfamil ready to use formula. That comes to twenty-eight dollars a gallon, or $24.50 more a gallon than regular unleaded.

Plus TMCBOTP got lousy mileage

1) Which is coincidentally (or not) how long SG went between updates.
2) I had a bunch more gas station puns but, eh, not really feeling them tonight.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Thank Heavens

Whenever that 7-11 commercial comes on, I always used to feel just a teeny bit superior. "The slurpee crisis is averted," I yelled.

But oh my stars, I have seen the light.

Last night we got a 7 week old foster baby. ShallowGal may be prone to exaggeration but suffice it to just tell you that on his birth certificate, under name, it actually says The Most Colicky Baby on the Planet. We call him TMCBOTP for short.

Now ShallowGal has had her hands on many a baby. The attic is a veritable shrine to the great Harvey Karp ; a maya sling, a swing, an extra white noise machine, 3 miracle blankets, and the piece de resistance, a papasan vibrating baby seat.

I sent PCSguy on the hunt for C batteries needed to make the chair do it's magic. Batteries tend to be in one of two places, the heart shaped tin in the basement closet or the emergency kit. The heart shaped tin had 96 AA and 128 AAA batteries. But no C batteries. The emergency kit contained 3 serving trays, some garden flags, a can opener and a battery-less flashlight. (1) I'm not exactly sure what emergency we're preparing for, maybe some sort of picnic with Osama?

So at 1:30 am with a screaming TMCBOTP in tow, ShallowGal hit the road in search of 4 C batteries. Wal-mart and Target were closed. The nearest 24 hour CVS was 1/2 hour away. Even the all-night supermarkets had closed at midnight, not to re-open until 5 am.

I mean, why bother? By the time you turn off all the lights and lock the doors and get home, it's time to turn around and do it all again, right? Stay, get a head start on the donuts.

But by now you have to realize where I ended up, right? The 7-11. Where the owner / manager took one look at me and TMCBOTP and handed me a cup and pointed me towards the coffee. Although I'd have to drink a lot of free coffee to subsidize the $47.50 I spent on 4 batteries.

ShallowGal does indeed thank heavens for 7-11, but she wonders why it's called that since it's actually open 24/7 ? And how come more places aren't open round the clock? I've actually never had a C battery emergency at 2:30 in the afternoon.

And in case you're wondering, yes, TMCBOTP hates the seat.

(1) Missing C batteries, natch.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Paris and ShallowGal: BFF

O M G you guys. Paris is looking for a new BFF.

I'm so going to win. No offense to all my old BFFs. Y'all still rock.(1) But Paris needs me. I mean do you know what Nicole did to her? (2)

Now to be considered, I need to make a 90 second video and I'll get to that later. I also have to write at least one blog entry that answers all the following questions:
  • Do you consider yourself fabulous? How so?
Of course I'm fabulous. I sometimes brush my hair and teeth on the same day ! I leave the house as often as twice a week ! And I'm quite comfortable in the party scene, particularly if there's Tupperware for sale there.
  • What qualities make you the perfect celebrity BFF?
I know at least 8 different ways to serve ham.
  • What similarities do you share with Paris? How are you different?
Paris and I are both named after European cities. What? You've never heard of ShallowGal in Hungary? Remind me to update Wikipedia later. Also we both like pink. And we're both natural blonds.

We both take a mean mug shot

We're not completely interchangeable though, she signed with Donald Trump modeling agency and I took a pass. And her birthday is February, 1981 and mine's not until May of, um, some other year.
  • It's hard to stay in the public eye. How would you maintain the limelight?
As the writer of a blog that sometimes receives as many as twenty hits a day, I'm used to dealing with an adoring public. I have the best trick to avoid the paparazzi too; I yell "Look at the size of that cat" and point behind them. When they turn around to look, I run away. Works every time.

I guess my question is what does Paris bring to the table? Will she watch my kids when I go to the dentist? Will she spend hours surfing the net trying to find the best price on the Enchanted dvd? ($13.99 at Circuit City for 5 days only) Will she lend me her cool leather jacket when I go out to dinner with PCSguy? Will she keep her mouth shut when I wear the same yoga pants 3 days in a row, and she knows I don't even go to yoga? I think she will. But I may hold on to my current BFFs too, just in case. (3)

1) Even if you never read my blog: I'm talking to you Linda and Teri.
2) If you do, can you tell me? I never did really figure it out.
3) Even if they can't be bothered to read my blog.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

How to do your taxes, ShallowGal style

Do you want to hear just the saddest thing ever? Even sadder than the time that the walrus lost his bucket?

ShallowGal spent three years of her life studying tax law. I know, right? Just when you thought that you couldn't possibly think less of her.

Now wouldn't you think that someone as freaky compulsive and monstrously bored as ShallowGal would totally get off on doing her taxes? Hello! Are you a communist? Nobody likes doing their taxes.

But they must be done, and believe it or not ShallowGal has a system. Use at your own risk.

Step 1: On January first of the prior year (1) set up a folder marked "Taxes xxxx" To determine xxxx you need to follow a complicated formula: first you have to figure out what year it is. But the taxes are for the prior year so you need to subtract 1. But we're planning ahead a year so we need to add 1. That number = xxxx.

Place that folder front and center on your desk. Over the course of the year, put every piece of paper that crosses your hot little hands that might possibly have tax implications in that folder. Examples: your W2 and the receipt for girl scout cookies.

Step 2: Wait one year. Start a new folder following the above formula. Look at you multi-task!

Step 3: Spend the next six weeks complaining endlessly about having to do the taxes. Become offended every time PCSguy suggests using an accountant because you are so massively overqualified. Tell him (again) about the time you got the highest grade in your partnership tax class because of your tremendous understanding of passive activity loss limitations. (2) Remind him that in our twelve years of filing jointly, we've only been audited twice and technically neither time was my fault.

Fact: PCSguy has told me that he cannot stand to be around me from the minute I start the taxes until about a week after they've been mailed off. Like he's so perfect.

Step 4: Remember that last year you got the online version of turbo tax but the year before that you got the disc at Costco and they weren't compatible and you had to fill in your name and social security number by hand. Or was it the other way around? It is imperative ShallowGal does what she did last year or she will have to type in all those numbers again, and I think we've established she's way too busy for that.(3) Nothing jogs ShallowGal's memory like shoe shopping. Spend hours trying to remember while looking at sparkly flats at

Also remember that turbo tax had some kind of major glitch last year that totally miscalculated the profit on some incentive stock options that resulted in the IRS sending us a bill for $32,000. Weigh this against having to retype in all those numbers.

Step 5: Buy turbo tax.

Step 6: Get the first folder. Sit down and DO the taxes. Once you actually plant your ass in the chair they should only take a few hours- asssuming (4) you've kept all those papers I warned you about. Don't be concerned if there are some papers in the folder you don't use; it's like that time when you built the crib and there were all these weird pieces of hardware leftover. The baby's fine, right? E-file that sucker and move on.

Step 7: Pour yourself a nice glass of wine. Promise self next year you won't make such a production about it.

1) Granted, this part may be tricky
2) Unfortunately we don't have any of those.
3) These run-on-sentences aren't going to type themselves you know!
4) See how I put the extra s in assuming? Cause you know what they saying about when you assume something?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Wednesday Redux

So after reading yesterday's post, none of you could be bothered to tell me it was actually Tuesday? I had to wait until 9 pm when I turned on the tv to watch Lost (1) to figure it out all by myself? Thanks for nothing.

Honestly, considering the Groundhog Day-like quality of my week, it is amazing that this is the first time (2) that I've made this particular mistake. Weekends are a little easier; if I wake up and PCSguy is there next to me, then it's either Saturday or Sunday. But Mondays thru Fridays are a venerable parade of sameness, and beige colored sameness at that.

Not that ShallowGal minds beige; as a matter of fact beige is preferable to say, the color of vomit. Which with Noa last month was strawberry colored all over the hallway carpet. And with Jake on Monday was the regular color (3) but all over the synagogue. With PCSguy, VP of vomit and bear management, in Texas.

Not the first time PCSguy has fallen down on the job. Did I ever tell you about January 2005? When I was 14 1/2 months pregnant and the water was turned off for some renovations we were doing and Noa threw up on every sheet and towel we own? And PCSguy was in Toronto going to Blue Jay games? (4) Hopefully he'll do better on the bear part of the job.

What were we talking about? Beige. Right. Actually beige can be downright swell. Case in point:

More proof that SG has nothing against beige

1) Which is actually on Thursdays now anyway.
2) today, anyway.
3) Which may actually be beige come to think of it.
4) And selling printer cartridges to the Canadians.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Thanks to the incredibly talented Donna Owens for my all-time favorite photo

Saturday, March 8, 2008

A Very Shallow Book Review

Fact: ShallowGal owns 72 cookbooks.(1) This is nothing; before the "great cookbook purge of 2008" (2) SG actually owned closer to 200. ShallowGal treats her cookbooks like her children, in that she is constantly ranking and re-ranking them to determine her favorite.

Yesterday ShallowGal bought Martha Stewart's Cookies. This book will be released to the general public on March 11th, but ShallowGal knows people. (3)

Welcome to the family. You are currently tied for first.

The most important thing in any cookbook, as any serious cook will tell you, is the pictures. Martha has provided plenty of them; at least one for every single cookie. These pictures are only a little bit supposed to make you feel that you could never measure up to her royal bakerness. ShallowGal grade: A

You should see the springerle

Martha kindly divides the recipes into categories. Granted they are not the categories ShallowGal would use, namely contains chocolate, contains nuts, contains both chocolate and nuts and other. Instead Martha uses: light and delicate, soft and chewy, crumbly and sandy, chunky and nutty, cakey and tender, crisp and crunchy, and rich and dense. This is good because when I need to bring something for a fundraiser bake sale, I am often instructed to bring something sandy. ShallowGal grade: 7 1/2.

Last but not least are the recipes themselves. ShallowGal desperately wanted to try a few to give this review the illusion of actual usefulness, but alas, the day just slipped away. They certainly look easy enough. ShallowGal grade: two thumbs up.

List price is $24.95 but again, ShallowGal knows people.

1)More or less.
2)In this purge over 100 erstwhile cookbooks were donated to the library where SG will no doubt repurchase them at the next book sale.
3) Specifically, SG knows her neighbor Laurel who has a BJ's membership where some soon-to-be-fired employee accidentally opened a box a week early.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Everything you wanted to Know about Dolley Madison but were Afraid to Ask

From an actual conversation with my fourth grader:

Hey Mom. Can you name the two wives of Thomas Jefferson?

Um, I think he only had the one wife. (Long pause) Mrs. Jefferson.(1)

No, he was also married to Dolley Madison.

Hmmm. I'm pretty sure that Dolley Madison was married to (another long pause) President Madison. The one they named the University after. James Madison. Him.

Nope. When Jefferson's first wife died he married Dolley Madison. My friend Ally read it on Wikipedia.

Like the old saying goes: If your friend Ally reads it on Wikipedia, it must be true.

Now no offense to Wikipedia fans (2) but the writing on that site drives me fucking bat shit. For example, still using the entry about Dolley:

Her father was John Payne, a not-too-successful farmer
and erstwhile starch manufacturer

Erstwhile? Really? That's the adjective you want to use? And then there's this:

Sadly Dolley died in her home in Washington D.C.,
July 12, 1849 at the age of 81.

Not to sound callous or anything, but personally, I miss what's so sad. Nobody wants to die but did the author really expect her to live to be 240?

Another popular Dolley Madison myth I can now dispel: She was not actually the inventor of the zinger, although she was apparently the muse.

The face that inspired the raspberry twinkie knock-off

1) Being a huge fan of the musical 1776, I was pretty sure her name Martha but I thought this conversation was headed toward Sally Hemings so I was distracted.
2) Hi Lee!

Monday, March 3, 2008

How to make a Monte cristo, ShallowGal style

Adapted from The Best of America's Test Kitchen 2008. (1)

Step 1: Assemble your ingredients. For 6 sandwiches you will need:

4 large eggs, 1/4 cup heavy cream, 2 tsp of sugar, 1/2 tsp of salt, 1/2 tsp of dry mustard (2) 1/8 tsp of cayenne pepper, 12 slices of white bread, 12 slices of Swiss or Gruyere cheese, 12 slices of ham, 12 slices of turkey, 3 tablespoons of canola oil and confectioners' sugar.

So far, it will look like this:

I could have gotten further away to take this picture

Step 1: Move oven rack to the upper-middle position and preheat to 450 degrees. Fair warning: If your oven is anywhere near as dirty as mine, this high heat will set off your smoke detector. Soon it will get to the point where you will say "Hey, I'm making monte cristos" and your PCSguy will say "Better call the alarm company!" Hardy har har. Pour the oil into a rimmed baking sheet and place in oven until preheated.

Step 2: Toast the bread lightly. For this I use the pop tart setting on my toaster. It's a weird setting to have because I actually like my pop tarts raw. You don't want the bread to get too dark as it will become too crumbly, as I will demonstrate later.

Free toaster with 10 cereal box tops?

Step 3: Whisk together eggs, cream, sugar, salt, dry mustard and cayenne in a shallow dish. In a pinch I've used milk instead of the cream.

Step 4: Make the sandwich in this order: bread, cheese, ham, turkey, ham, turkey, cheese, bread. The original recipe called for another layer of cheese right smack in the middle but I find that too cheesy. Hey, they're your arteries, you make the call. Use your hands to smoosh the sandwich together.

Now this is the step where yesterday ShallowGal discovered that PCSguy had opened the cheese and eaten 2 slices. Leaving her exactly 2 pieces short. PCSguy generously offered to forgo his sandwich but it was really a bullshit offer because his mother was there and she would get all up in ShallowGal's face about why doesn't her precious baby have a sandwich.

So ShallowGal will make PCSguy a monte cristo. But she won't be happy about it.

A quick foray into the fridge reveals a frightening amount of yogurt but no other cheese.

ShallowGal can cure a small army of their yeast infections

Once ShallowGal made monte cristos by spreading light Laughing Cow french onion cheese on the toast and it was actually pretty good, but alas, someone has also finished off the laughing cow.

I still think the oatmeal can take the yogurt

ShallowGal is nothing if not resourceful and will make the last sandwich using a cut-up cheese stick.

Step 5) Dip each smooshed sandwich into the egg mixture, like you're making french toast and then transfer to the preheated baking sheet. Return to oven and bake for 5 minutes, flip each sandwich and bake another 5 minutes.

Now do you remember when I warned you not to over-toast the bread or it would crumble when you smooshed it? Let me show you, using a sandwich chosen at random, what I mean:

PCSguy's sandwich? What a weird coincidence!

Step 6) Sprinkle with confectioner sugar and serve immediately with a side of raspberry jam.

Bon appetite!

1) Currently tied for second place on ShallowGal's cookbook shelf after the plain old America's Test Kitchen cookbook.
2) I also use this dry mustard in a fantastic salad dressing recipe, it's worth adding to your spice rack.