Sunday, January 20, 2008

The apple marries the other apple that didn't fall far from the first apple's tree

ShallowGal is fully aware exactly how many of you feel sorry for poor PCSguy (1) and wonder what on Earth possessed him to marry someone so ditzy.

I'll tell you why: he didn't know any better. Alas, PCSguy comes from a long line of crazy.

All the regular disclaimers about how much I love my in-laws(2) apply. And let me make this clear; ShallowGal is NOT laughing at them. I am simply providing evidence and quite possibly YOU are the one laughing at them, so turn that wiggly finger right back around.

Let's call PCSguy's parents Millie and Phil. (3) Phil died in 2004 and we all miss him very much. Millie is almost 80. They've owned this 4000 square foot house for forty years and in that time have accumulated a lot of stuff. One of my biggest fears (4) is that Millie will break a hip and I will have to spend the next eleven years trying to clean out that house.

Every weekend, PCSguy and I go down to her basement and try to spend an hour "decluttering."(5) Last weekend we tackled a book shelf filled with 800 pounds of urban planning textbooks from the fifties. This weekend we hit the workroom.

Remember when I told you guys about Phil's pants stretcher. You thought I was kidding?

Patent pending

Amateurs collect bags. Professionals collect prescription bottles with the labels carefully soaked off.

ShallowGal is having a contest this week for all her loyal readers. The first reader to correctly identify this item in the comment section will win a pair of Aerosole boots. No wait, that's not me. The winner will receive a prize selected specifically for him or her direct from Millie's basement. (6)

Employees and husbands of ShallowGal are not eligible to enter.

Full disclosure: Millie actually brought me these several months ago. But they go perfectly with my theme and it's my blog.

Sorry PCSguy, I'm going there.

Sort of ringing a bell right? Oh yeah, that's it ! These are the tampons that were removed from the market TWENTY EIGHT years ago after they were discovered to be the cause of toxic shock syndrome. Girls(7) let's do a little math here: 80-28= already in full blown menopause anyway. Back in the seventies, P&G sent Millie this nice little gift which she didn't need, couldn't use, and could have killed her and still she kept it.

This is why PCSguy doesn't even bat an eye at a small box of lonely socks. Small potatoes.

1) The exception being the people who work with him, they feel he got what he deserves.
2) When we got married, Millie told me she always wanted a daughter and didn't even
imply "Oh well, you'll do."
3) Get it? Mother-In-Law / MIL / Millie and Father-In-Law/FIL/ Phil.
4) After bears and Lucy impersonators, of course
5) Decluttering here is defined as filling two large garbage bags with crap that we hope Millie will never miss and sneaking them to the curb while hiding from the kids and occasionally snagging something to sell on e-bay.
6) Or instead can be named "ShallowGal's reader of the week."
7) Because every male reader is long gone.


Anonymous said...

I'm guessing some kind of surveying equipment. LOL


specialK said...

Sorry, no clue on the black mystery object. Coming from a PCSguy staff member, I need to set the record straight. We think PCSSguy is lucky to have someone as quick witted, smart and clever as you! You two make quite the domestic team! We at "PCSguy World" LOVE your blog! Positively WICKED funny!

First Time Dad said...

A spirit level of some description??

Gordon Crenshaw said...

Honestly, I've seen that black "level-looking" thing before. My dad is a carpenter hobbyist. I spent many of my youthful days building go-karts, cages for my insect and retile collection, town-like buildings for my younger brother's Matchbox Car collection and expanding the platform for my electric train. Granted, many of those projects never got finished. I'm sure my Dad had that tool among many other's I couldn't tell what they were. His workshop looked like it came straight out of Frankenstein's workshop.

Black Hockey Jesus said...

Those old murderous tampons cracked me up. Rock on shallowgirl.