Sunday, January 13, 2008

If you build ShallowGal a front porch

(A cautionary tale with borrowed pictures)

If you ask ShallowGal to participate in her neighborhood home owners association, she'll hem and haw until the absolute last minute and then sign up for covenant inspection committee cause it looks like it will take the least amount of time, and there's no good committees left anyway.

On the first street, ShallowGal will see a house just like hers, but with a front porch. ShallowGal will become obsessed with this front porch and talk and dream of nothing else for weeks.

Yes stalkers, that's exactly what my house looks like

To shut her up, PCSguy will eventually concede to a front porch with the stipulation that they also add a back deck.

He needed a large deck for that big-ass gnome

PCSguy and ShallowGal will then approach this entire project completely ass-backwards, first signing a contract, then getting the loan and finally (hopefully) getting permission from the community association. (1)

When the roof to the front porch is built, ShallowGal will decide that her kitchen is now too dark. So she'll call the electrician to install recessed lighting.

So Big Brother can watch us

As long as the electrician is there, she'll replace the light fixture in the foyer that's bugged her since they moved in NINE years ago.

Ours was even uglier

She'll take the electrician into the basement to show the problem with the recessed lighting he installed last year, and she'll recall that she never ordered shades for the basement windows.(2)

Because then I'd lose my view of the back of the bushes

So she'll log onto Smith and Noble and while she's there stealing pictures for her blog, she'll remember the piece of crap shades from Next Day Blinds in the kids rooms that are only 5 years old and already in shreds but aren't covered by their lousy warranty, not that I'm suggesting a boycott of that place or anything, I'm just saying.

Maybe with blackout shades they'd sleep past 5

Hanging shades is exhausting work. ShallowGal will most likely give-up mid project and pour herself a large glass of very cheap wine (3) and go sit on her new front porch. And chances are, if ShallowGal sits on her front porch and looks next door at the neighbor's house with the broken fence that she'll suddenly remember that she never finished her covenant inspections.

1) Who got her into this whole mess, so they BETTER approve it
2) Once her kitchen is nice and bright she'll realize her laminate counters look like crap and she'll start pricing out granite but I suspect that may be the start of a sequel: If you fix the lighting in ShallowGal's kitchen.
3) Cause at this point she's spent mid-5 figures on this frick-frack house


T said...

I'm all about cheap wine. I believe in quantity, not quality.

The Jet Set Girls said...

Just give a mouse a cookie and be done with it! No mention of converting all good friends to indentured servants so as to fulfill this crazy dream house o' yours?

Amy said...

Ah yes, thank you Lolita for reminding me of the footnote I missed where ShallowGal invites all her friends over for margaritas but then makes them all stain ceiling panels.

Lee said...

I'm about to spend $12k on basement renovation so my husband can keep the very large cast-off TV that we replaced with the $2500 52" HDTV. The dumbest reason ever to renovate.