Friday, March 28, 2008

A tale of four dishwashers

When Charles Dickens (1) said "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" clearly he was referring to the state of my kitchen appliances.

Because in the 9 years we've lived in this house, guess how many dishwashers we've had? Four? Huh? That's a silly answer, where'd you get that?

True story: When ShallowGal was in the fourth grade she had to take a reading workshop called "jumping to conclusions." I'll see if they still offer it. Maybe y'all can get a group discount.

Anyway the answer is three. Three dishwashers in nine years.

The first dishwasher was here when we moved in. It was the one put in by the builder back in 1972 and looked like this:

Only in Bisque

When PCSguy and I first lived together we lived next to the airport. And it was still quieter than this dishwasher. This one appliance was the bane of my existence. In appliance-land, it was the worst of times.

In early 2001, I ventured to the Maytag store next to the ice rink to buy the 9100 ~ Consumer Reports top pick for that year. It was glorious. Quiet. Bisque. (2) And best of all, dishes came out cleaner than they went in. Sure PCSguy was unemployed and I was deep in the throes of post partum depression but seriously, it was the best of times.

Until the day we got struck by lightening. The whole house. So we went back to the Maytag store and laid out $700 for the exact same dishwasher sans fried circuit board.

Maytag had used that time to tinker with this model, making it into something that you'd find in an elegant model home. Assuming that model home was in Hell.

Instead of water, #3 used battery acid. Dishes came out faded and chipped. Instead of a motor, a bunch of rocks tumbled around making the dishwasher slightly louder than a jackhammer. We returned to the Maytag store to complain, only now it was a baby boutique. And they refused to help us, even though we had the receipt. Bastards.

It was us or him. Finally ShallowGal agreed to replace this machine with the Kenmore Ultra Quiet deluxe that's actually made by Bosch. In Bisque (3) On my way to the Sears "last ever sale on dishwashers ever" I stopped at Costco to see if they had a better deal.

And instead ShallowGal spent all her money on a Wii. The end.

1) Or William Shakespeare maybe? 11th grade was a long time ago
2) Bisque, by the way, is the fancy appliance name for beige.
3) Millie had to replace her fridge recently and was devastated to learn she could not get it in harvest orange. No point, I just thought it was funny.


countrymouse said...

How are publishers not knocking down your circa 1972 door to offer you book contracts??? I've said it before, I'll say it again--you're freaking hilarious : )

In 2002 when my parents were in the market to replace their 1978 sculpted multi-shades-of-pukey-brown wall-to-wall carpet, much to their dismay they couldn't find an exact replica. Hmm. Go figure. My dad laughed while he told us "I think we're in a 70's rut." Ya think, Dad? : )

Anonymous said...

Great choice on the wii! Now you just have to get DDR!!! I don't want to be the only DDR addict...


Anonymous said...

It's all Cathy's fault if I become addicted to DDR and stop filling my new and extremely quiet dishwasher. Well, I suppose I wouldn't hear the dishwasher over the Wii blasting at full volume anyway. ;-)

T in PA

vuboq said...

i prefer "avocado" to "bisque"


Reluctant Housewife said...

Appliance shopping is frustrating. Wii are fun, though. Way to go!

texasholly said...

OMG. I am laughing so hard...with you, not AT you. The whole thing is funny. And I was so sad it wasn't available in Harvest Gold as well.

Thanks for linking!