Monday, April 11, 2011

How to plan a Bar Mitzvah~ Shallow-Gal style


Step 1: Give birth to a boy. (1) Wait thirteen years. Drive kid to Hebrew School every Sunday and Monday.

Step 2: Realize that at the end of the day, honestly, every Bar Mitzvah comes down to 2 things: the weather and your dress. And, really there's only so much you can do about your dress, thus most of your attention should be on the weather. April in DC, historically, is gorgeous.

where's global warming when you need it?


Step 3: Hear the weatherman use the words Historic East Coast Snowstorm.

Step 4: Cry.

Step 5: Turn attention back to the dress. Or dresses if you want to be all technical about it. Cause by Friday night I had six possibilities hanging from the back of my closet door. One size 8, four size 10s and a very sad emergency 12. (2)


Step 6: Watch boy child read from the Torah and turn into a man before your very eyes. Beam with pride. Care a little less about the weather.

but would it kill it to stop hailing?


Step 7
: Party the night away, surrounded by everyone you love in the entire world. Realize what's really important.


The dress, obviously


1) Lord have mercy, it's going to be one of those posts.
2) I'm a stress eater. Sue me.

11 comments:

Marinka said...

I know that a Bar Mitzvah is a really important religious and spiritual ritual, but I can't get over how amazing your arms look. Mazel Tov!

The Zadge said...

Officially jealous: your skin looks beautiful. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing strapless these days, what with my freckled, sun-damaged, crepeiness.

theTsaritsa said...

Funny post :)

Stimey said...

Aw, congratulations!!!

Getrealmommy said...

Oh, Congratulations! I hope to one day do this with (all three) of my sons!

vuboq said...

Didn't you mean all the people you love in the world minus one? *ahem*

All joking aside, it looks like it was an amazing time. And congratulations to Jake! At some point, I will get his gift in the mail.

*smooches*

country mouse said...

Aww--congrats! And damn, girl! You look hot : )

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Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

thanks for the tips cause Boo wants a Mar Mitzvah. Might have to combine it with that Bris thing.

That is the one where they chop off his boy bit, right? Cause I totally want someone to do that.

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

Yes, the boy deserves a party. But really, let's celebrate you looking awesome in that dress!

So great to meet you at 2.0.

tarable said...

I'm bookmarking this post for when I have to do the same thing...in 13 years. With my very own Eli.

Quick question: does one have to be Jewish to plan a Bar Mitzvah?