Friday, May 28, 2010

Le Post that sits and sits because I can't think of a title.

Tuesday will be Charles and my 14th wedding anniversary. The traditional gift is ivory, but I'm going with the more contemporary gift: the world's largest gummy bear. (1) (2)

Photo borrowed from the awesome folks at

I got the idea, no kidding, from Kelly on the Real Housewives of New York, who tweeted about it, after complaining that she didn't eat processed food, while shoving gummy bears and jelly beans in her mouth. Because nobody embodies a healthy, happy relationship like Kelly.

Secret to our lengthy nuptials? Separate bathrooms. It sure as hell isn't our communications skills. To wit:

Charles: I saw the beginning of a good movie last night on HBO, we should put it on our Netflix queue.

Me: I thought we canceled HBO.

Charles: We did, that's why we should see if it's on Netflix.

Me: Did they not turn the HBO off? Do we need to call Directv again?

Charles: No they turned it off, we're good.

Me: I'm really stymied here. How did you see this movie?

Charles: I watched it on HBO last night.


Charles: In the hotel.


Charles: In Boston.


Charles: Where I was last night.


Charles: You did notice I wasn't here last night? (3)

We had another little snafu when I got stuck at an appointment and I texted him to ask if he could pick Eli up at a friend's house on his way home from work and he replied


and then a minute later


which I interpreted as No and then Probably, which I thought was a strange response because I'm at the doctor and it's not like Eli has mastered the suburban public transportation schedule, but he actually meant NO PROBLEM. (4)

Then again, who needs communication when you have a 5 pound gummy bear?

1) I made a similar joke on our 12th anniversary.
2) He got me an ivory patent leather Coach bag and you all don't need me to spell out that whole process, although suffice it to say, that I've been doing my own shopping since I got tic tacs for my birthday. I also bought a kick-ass pair of sandals but I can't manage to make that one relate. I'm losing my touch.
3) In my defense, I'm not very observant.
4) Originally I wrote "I dunno, you be the judge." but you people are unpredictable lately, and I can't have you all taking his side.


Marinka said...

I definitely understood that he meant No Problem. Except I don't understand why he texted No all by itself. Probably because he was recovering from Boston. That place is messed up.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

I love to pity Kelly. And stare.

Anonymous said...

Any woman who gets me a dog for my birthday and a giant gummy bear for our anniversary is surely a keeper. Even if I was actually in North Carolina not Boston.

Ice Queen said...

Kelly is a tain wreck I can't help rubbernecking. lol

The Zadge said...

Kelly is gross. The bag and sandals, on the other hand, are fabulous!

Sue @ Laundry for Six said...

I think Kelly needs her very own post. That kind of crazy should not be passed up as a blogable moment. And I can never look at gummy bears the same way again.

Pink grapefruit tic tacs? Really? Although that is better than nothing (maybe?) which is what I usually get. I do my own shopping to.

Getrealmommy said...

I agree, watching The Real Housewives is like passing by a traffic accident, you just can't help but stare. That woman is full on CRAZY. love it

David said...

I think the Real Wives of Suburban Virginia is long overdue.

bernthis said...

I want a relationship like yours and I'm not kidding.

also, I hear there is a book called, "Texting for dummies who can't read texts" or is it, "Interpreting texts for those who don't notice when their husbands are out of town"?

anonymous einstein said...

I stumbled on your blog a few weeks ago and just love your dry sense of humor. Keep it up!

Anonymous said...

As I read this, I thought, "I wonder what made him change his 'no' response to 'probably.'" I'm on Team LeShallowGal!