Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Weather Frog and the third child

ShallowGal's neglect of her third child is well documented. But the lack of birthday parties and the pink snowsuits pale in comparison to the horrors Eli has experienced this school year.

Eli has been denied the opportunity to be weather frog.

Every morning as the pre-K class arrives, they take a paper crayon with their name on it and stick it in a pocket with the "job" they want for that day. Choice jobs like line leader, table sprayer and obviously, weather frog, go first. The last children to arrive are stuck handing out cups and napkins.

Now this is an excellent lesson for real life. ShallowGal was dilly-dallying on the day we picked jobs and instead of being the caboose (1), she got stuck being an attorney.

So we all see where this is going, right? Even though ShallowGal has been up since 5:30am and has already seen the two older children off on their respective school buses, she is physically unable to get Eli to his school, two miles away, by 9:30am. Or 9:40.

The official story is that ShallowGal is boycotting weather frog
because it perpetuates the stereotype that frogs are bad dressers.

(Before you feel too sorry for Eli, you should really reserve your pity for my friend Linda's son Evan who is the third of four children. Evan rolls in sometime around 10. NOBODY passes out a napkin like Evan.)

So one day, ShallowGal decided to get her ass (and her ass) to school early so he could be weather frog. And any rumors that she tripped another 4 year old in the parking lot should be ignored (2) Eli was the first kid in the classroom and put his crayon in the "weather frog" slot.

ShallowGal celebrated her success as a mother by canceling the appointment with the child psychologist(3).

At 1:30, when ShallowGal picked Eli up, he pulled her into the classroom. "Come see the frog" he ordered.

The frog had shorts on his head and sneakers on his hands. "It's Naked Day!" Eli exclaimed happily.

And the teacher told ShallowGal that 9:30 was really just a suggestion, and to feel free to arrive at her convenience.

1) Can we please all take a minute to applaud the genius teacher who renamed "the last kid in line" to "caboose" and actually made it a job? Because I renamed "taking out the trash" to "sanitation engineer" and nobody's falling for it.
2) No, the rumors are true, let's just ignore them.

3) Yeah, right. Like SG would ever get around to making such an appointment for her third child. Case in point: His birthday was in February. (4) His well child visit is scheduled for the end of October.

4) I don't know off the top of my head, mid-February sometime.


vuboq said...

I *heart* Eli.

Banteringblonde said...

HA!! I think you might be me! My June baby just had his well child visit last week. Can we be friends?

Merrily Down the Stream said...

I disagree with your boycotting - I think naked day shows a real sense of fashion flair.

TMCPhoto said...

I'd be putting the shorts on the frogs head too, so would my Husband and so would the Peanut; we do this kind of thing as a family. Probably because of something we all ate.

Lumpyheadsmom said...

Is it too late for us to be cabooses? I so want to be a caboose now.

country mouse said...

I swear it, if someone took core samples, they'd find that you and I have the *highest* degree genetic link. Seriously.

My two older kids once had to endure a joint birthday party in February. One was born in October and one in January. They still haven't forgiven me . . .

Sue @ Laundry for Six said...

Apparently there are quite a few members of this club. The only time my preschooler, the fourth child, gets to school on time, is when someone else drives her.

And anyway? Which of those skills will anyone actually USE in real life? Passing out napkins, of course. I do it every day. Do I ever dress Weather Frog? Never!

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

bwaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa!

That kid will go far. I am thinking the next Hugh Heffner.

Stimey said...

"I don't know off the top of my head, mid-February sometime," is maybe the best footnote you've ever put on this site.

All around excellent post, I have to say. I can't even try to be funny in the comments because you sucked all the funny into the post. (Although I do have a little bit of outrage vis-a-vis job allocation in Eli's classroom, but as this is a humor blog, I will save my outrage for angstier blogs.)

the mama bird diaries said...

Hilarious post. I love this.

David said...

Late to the party and simply going to parrot VUBOQ, so really, what good am I?

That post made me smile from start to finish.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

So, wait. Naked day is funny because it's unacceptable? Or just because naked is funny?

"Nobody passes out a napkin like Evan."