Friday, October 9, 2009

Turkey in the Straw

Turkey in the Straw
Straw straw straw
Turkey in the hay
hay hay hay
And the old folks dance with the mother-in-law
When they dance to the tune they call turkey in the straw.

Apparently these aren't the lyrics. Not even close. They're like "There's a Bathroom on the Right" wrong. But it's what the kids are singing these days around Casa de ShallowGal. (1)

After about a million rounds of this, Eli asked what a mother-in-law was. And I explained it, but apparently not very well because the next day we had the following conversation:

Eli: I got married to Carley today.
SG: I thought you got married to Tessa yesterday.
Eli: I did. I married them both.
SG: Do you need 2 wives?
Eli: No, I need two mother-in-laws.

Can you even imagine? TWO Mother-in-laws? Lord have mercy, I can barely manage the one I have.

ShallowGal stopped posting about her family when she discovered that they (2) read her blog. But this conversation with Millie assures me that she's still fair game.

Millie: Can you help me open the email on my new Mac?
SG: Sure. What program did PCSguy install?
Millie: AOL, same as before. I see my email, I just can't open it.
SG: Put the mouse over it.
Millie: I did, but there's no button on the mouse.
SG: So use the return key instead.
Millie: This computer doesn't have a return key.
SG: Really? What's on the right hand side where the return key should be?
Millie: The enter key.
The Millie stories could go on and on. Like the time that she spent the night and mentioned how nice it was to be out of the house because the smoke detector battery ran out and it had been chirping every minute for, oh, the past week or so? Maybe someone could fix it the next time they come over?

Or the time I took her to the Senior Living complex we've been looking at (3) and the shuttle driver winked at me and told me I was too young to move there, and Millie thought he said it to her, so now, no Senior Living Apartment for her.

As her daughter-in-law I apparently have nothing to offer but useless computer counsel. All good life advice comes from geriatric shuttle bus drivers.

1) Be forewarned: it's a catchy tune.
2) very occasionally. My erratic posting schedule confuses them.

3) Where for NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE they will change your smoke detector battery for you.


country mouse said...

Dear heavens, woman, could you have opened a bigger can of worms????????? Now, not only is Turkey In The Effing Straw stuck in my head but also I'm suddenly all focused on other songs my f-i-l taught to my kids with the bullshit nonsense lyrics that I CAN'T ESCAPE!

And don't even get me started on my m-i-l who loves me and would do *anything* for me but who drives me batshit CRAZY for so many reasons and on so many levels--DON'T GET ME STARTED.

I need to stab someone.

I'm sure your kids are darling : )

Stimey said...

Don't get me started on my MIL. I went to the airport to pick her up yesterday and then it turned out that she was on an entirely different flight that she didn't tell us about. I might have done some cursing in front of Quinn. And it might have been bad cursing. Unfortunately, she CAN use a computer, so no venting for me.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

TWO mother in laws?

Remind him of that when he is bitching when he has one.

I am really really glad I don't know that Turkey in the Straw song, but alas, my over fertile mind has gone and made up its own tune and singing merrily along. To the Farmer in the Dell.


Philly said...

I must be in the minority, I had a GREAT MIL !!

Aubrey said...

Oh dear. Two mothers-in-law. I'm going to have that situation, sort of. At least I'll have two if you count his mother and step-mother. LOL! And I'm going into it willingly.