Monday, April 5, 2010

How to prolong your stay in Immigration & Customs, a play in one act

Scene: Dulles Airport, Immigration and Customs. 2am.

Amy (to posse): Listen up. We've been on the move for 19 hours, and I know you're exhausted. All we need to do is go thru these next two checkpoints, get our bags, catch the shuttle to the car and Bob's your Uncle. So you know the rule here; nobody, and I mean, NOBODY says anything to the nice immigration officer or the nice customs person unless asked a direct question. They DO NOT CARE about our vacation. Capiche?

Noa: Can I tell them you got drunk on rum and swam naked in the pool?

Amy: Anything they need to know, I will tell them.

Nice Immigration Man (Studies form, shakes head, writes a large letter A on our form) You were on a Nicaraguan farm? And you admitted to it? You're going to need to go to agricultural customs for additional inspection.

Amy, PCSguy and Posse drag over to Agricultural customs.

Nice Agricultural Customs Officer: Because you were on a farm, I'm going to need to disinfect all your shoes.

Amy: Really?

NACO: Oh sure. We don't want to infect our agriculture with foreign germs. (She pulls out a bucket and starts spraying shoes) Did you have a nice vacation?

(Kids nod, possibily following instructions, but more likely wondering who Uncle Bob is, and how many delinquent birthday presents he owes them.)

NACO: And your flight? How was that?

(Kids smile and nod and I try to make some excuse about how they're not really rude or stupid, just tired)

NACO: Well thank you for being honest on your customs form.

(Kids nod again)

NACO (to Eli:) Your turn. Can I have your shoes?

Eli: Sure. But watch out for the brown stuff. It's monkey diarrhea.


Marinka said...

Again with the naked swimming, SG?

The Zadge said...

What? NACO didn't let you bring your footnotes back into the country?!

Ice Queen said...


Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

WAS it monkey diarrhea? Please make this another blog post. Naked swimming can wait.

The Peltons said...

Oh thank you, I so needed a laugh. Awesome as usual. I am in awe of your vacation.

country mouse said...

Your posts are a hoot--followed by your hilarious commenters : )

Dude--I totally didn't know you were blogging again! I checked in thinking "Naw, there won't be anything new, Amy doesn't really post much any more" but oh how wrong I was! Yay, Amy still blogs : )

Tarable said...

I'm so with you on this one. When we were coming back into the country from Belize, I practically had to ball-gag my husband to keep him from mentioning the fruit & vegetable garden he checked out at one of the places we stayed.

And we didn't even touch the dirt...simply spoke broken Spanish with the resident gardener.

David said...

I love Eli.