Friday, April 30, 2010

SG searches for a new best friend.

Linda, my real life BFF, has put her house on the market, six months earlier than planned. (1)

So the search for a new BFF has moved up my to-do list. Originally I had planned to hold informal auditions over the summer, maybe organize some kind of reality show in August, and reach a final decision, probably with some kind of bridging ceremony, in the fall. But if I'm to have a new best friend in place the day Linda moves, I need to get started yesterday. And considering I'm still working several hours a day on a post I started last August (2) I think we can all agree timeliness is not my best quality. (3)

(Although if you did agree, you're automatically out of the running. My BFF would never say something like that about me. )

And just so we're clear, if you think you know how this is going to end, with some preachy dialogue about how true friendship can survive, and for the love of all things holy, she's only moving 40 minutes to the west and she already lives 20 minutes to the east now, and what's 20 minutes more? No. At the end of this series, I will have a new best friend, and visit Linda weekly and reminisce about the good old days. And take Linda's five calls a day even when I'm out with my Linda2.0 so as to remind her that she's fine, but not quite as good as her predecessor, until I cause another poor soul to move out to the middle of nowhere as well.

Let's get looking. I can't imagine there isn't a line around the block already.

1)Marinka helpfully pointed out last week that Leesburg, where Linda is moving, sounds made up, so I asked for a forwarding address. It's 123 Main Street. And her new number is 867-5309. So there, Marinka!

2) It was about a dinner party I had with David, Vuboq and some guy whose name I don't even remember anymore. I was going to title it Queer Eye for the ShallowGal and we made pizzas on the grill topped with produce from the garden and it had one funny line about confusing it with a 6 year old's birthday, and this picture & caption:

It may look unorthodox
but I can guarantee that his elbow hasn't been in his nose or his butt.

So if today's blog accomplishes nothing else, I got that monkey off my back.

2.1) But not this monkey:

AKA something about my trip to Nicaragua.
Yes. It's an actual monkey on my back. In Nicaragua.
See how I made that transition seamlessly? This stuff takes time, people!

3) What's the most important thing aboutwritingablogpost?TIMING! That joke never gets old.


Lumpyheadsmom said...

Wait. If she's moving 40 minutes west and she's currently 20 minutes east, doesn't that mean she'll be 20 minutes west once she moves?

Or is she actually moving 60 minutes west?

You're making me do math. Word Problems Math.

You owe me a beer for that, at least.

The Empress said...

Oh, pshaw...she's not far away. You'll be fine...I know it.

But cute idea, anyway.

WhitneyB99 said...

Hey, I was just stopping by and wanted to tell you that I really like your blog! I think the stuff you write about is great and very entertaining. I found your blog through Blogger. Anyways, have a great day and please check out my blog if you get a chance. Thanks!

country mouse said...

Ooooh--I think WhitneyB99, while well meaning, just took herself out of the running by plugging her own blog in your comments section.

Ha! With her out of the way *I* can be somewhere near the top of the short list, right? Except for that pesky continent that lies between us . . . which, if I've done my story problem math correctly, equals more than 40 minutes west. Damn. I think I just took myself out of the running too . . .

Logistics aside, I'm a fantastic candidate for a BFF! Except that I don't really like to talk on the phone. And I'm shy and don't actually like to meet people. And I'm kind of a bitch. But I'm funny when I'm drunk--so there's that!

Let me know : )

The Zadge said...

Uh, thanks, now I can't get "Jenny, Jenny" out of my head. I'd still be your new BFF, except that I'm 2,000 miles west. Oh, and Lessburg? Best place to buy cool antiques for Shallow Gal's Pad!

The Zadge said...

Except that I meant 'Leesburg!"

rachel... said...

Okay, where do I sign up? And will it get me ahead if I promise to clean off your desk in that elbow picture? :)

Marinka said...

Where do I sign up to audition to be Linda's new best friend?

Stimey said...

Can I produce your BFF auditions?

First, we have to find at least 8 women or men who will agree to let us call her/him Linda.

My ideas for these auditions are vast and, if I do say so myself, wonderful. They involve timed runs to the grocery store, competitions for your kids' love, and copious numbers of sunflower ceremonies.

LittleMissCandyLover said...

wait... i dont get it... the joke, i mean. can someone explain it to me????

the mama bird diaries said...

You're dumping your bestfriend b/c she'll be an extra 20 minutes away? Girl, that's cold. Practical but cold.

Sue @ Laundry for Six said...

So my neighborhood BFF is also moving 40 minutes away. In June. She's not even sticking around to put sunscreen on my back at the pool this summer. There's just not many people I would allow to do that job. (And my kids do not fit the bill. They are trying to kill me. If it has to be by skin cancer, so be it.)

I need to take this page from your playbook. Or I could audition for the role of Linda, but I know there is at least a river that lies between us which makes you Geographically Undesireable. (Sorry.)

And can I just say, My Linda jumps in her car and delivers coffee, wine and once, even a WHOLE PITCHER OF MARGARITAS to my doorstep. I'm going to need to host an entire Olympic competition to find a new BFF of that caliber.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I would totally put my hand up for new BFF, seeing I ONLY live like 24 hours south of you, but I am afraid you will be funnier than me.

And there is only room for one funny friend.

(and I am totally going over to tacky Whitneys blog... I think we should ALL go over there and totally cut and paste her comment)

texasholly said...

I was going to ask about the math too, but it looks like that has already been covered.

And that is the coolest thing ever to ACTUALLY have a monkey on your back. Oh, and it was seamless. Genius.

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