Thursday, August 5, 2010

Another casulty of the recession

All is not well in ShallowLand.

It's this stupid recession.

To save money, Charles' company made some rule that restricted his travel schedule.

So my husband, usually on the road 16-20 days a month, is now home every single night.

Which sounds like it would be exactly what I want. And in theory it would be. But there's one problem.

We only own one pillow.

That might be a slight exaggeration. We really own 32 gazillion pillows. (1) But we only own one good pillow.

Back in the olden days, I'd use the pillow Monday thru Friday and then Charles would use it on the weekends when he was home. And I would have been so well rested from my 5 nights with the good pillow that I could sleep on an inferior pillow just fine. And sometimes on Sundays I'd manage to fall asleep, or at least play possum, before he got into bed and hope he wouldn't wake me just to get the good pillow.

Those days are over. Charles is home 7 nights a week and asserts that it's his pillow, just cause I bought it for him for our anniversary.

I was telling my friend Wendy (2) this story the other day and she offered to buy me a new pillow. As if it's that easy.

The pillow in question is a Tempur-pedic neck pillow. And according to their website buying the wrong size could be hazardous to your health:

It is important that you choose the proper pillow thickness based on your shoulder dimensions and sleeping position preference to promote an anatomically correct posture. A pillow that forces your head too high or allows it to fall too far back not only places stress on your neck, but could inhibit breathing.

I just can't take that chance.

There's a chart (3) to help you buy the right pillow. But it asks all these personal questions like my height. Do I use the height I tell the weight watchers people so my goal weight can be 10 pounds higher? (4) Or should I use the height that allows my husband to perpetuate the myth that he's really 5'9" (5) ?

Tempur-pedic also needs to know if I sleep on my side or my back and I sleep on my stomach. I'm afraid if I go into the Healthy Back store and tell them that, not only will they not sell me a new pillow, they might take away the one I already have.

Keep your fingers crossed. With any luck, this recession will end, my husband will resume his busy travel schedule and I will regain full custody of the pillow.

1) Does 'integrity in blogging' require me to really go upstairs and count all the pillows?
2) Wendy is totally awesome but was eliminated from BFF contention because she's training for a marathon. I have a strict "no-runners" clause.

3) A chart. To buy a pillow. This is why the terrorists hate us.
5) 5'4"


Heather said...

I laughed out loud at your height conundrum. I have to slouch and wear flat shoes so that my fiance can continue his delusion that we are the same heigth, and that I am NOT at least a half inch taller than him...

vuboq said...

I sleep on my stomach too!

MarathonMom said...

OK well, you are not supposed to be sleeping on your stomach. It is like crystal meth for your spine.

And truth in blogging my TexASS (saw that @gayprof today)...If Wendy is training for a martinithon she needs to be legit and commit and disclose to us runnin' ho's.

Maybe ShallowDad needs a night job stocking shelves at Costco?

Getrealmommy said...

all I can say is I wish I was sleeping now. But I am awake.I can' sleep. So I am reading blogs. At least yours was funny. :)

country mouse said...

My favorite line from my own Pillow War Hall of Fame is the one where my husband argues that two of the pillows are his because--and I'm not kidding, he really says this--"I brought them into our marriage." Like they're children? Or heirlooms? Like the ones *I* brought "into our marriage" are so far inferior they ought not even be mentioned in the will?

Dramatic son of a bitch deserves for me to take them out from beneath his head when he's asleep : )

PartlySunny said...

This is definitely why the terrorists hate us.

I say you just take the low road and start withholding sex to get the pillow.

The Zadge said...

The PR rep for Tempurpedic (Sp?) sat next to me yesterday at BlogHer and gave me the total hard sell on the pillows!!! Should I buy one? Since I can't afford the $7000 bed she told me to buy?

David said...

I am very lucky that I have no standards whatsoever regarding pillows, mattresses or most any sleeping accoutrements whatsoever.

Anonymous said...

Where is Shallow Gal (gone to Nicaragua?) I need my fix.

Mel said...

I don't know the trail that led me to your blog, but this post made me laugh until I cried. When you refer to the manufacturer's warnings-hysterical. I think the last time I laughed that hard at a story was when I was reading David Sedaris. You're very funny.