Monday, April 20, 2009

The true cost of raising a non champion.

A recent article (1) declared that it costs $269,520 to raise a child from birth to age 17. My first thought?

Clearly they aren't raising a figure skater.

I have two. Potentially three.

(Before we go any further, I would like to address my husband: PCSguy, I love you. Look at the size of that cat! Is he gone? Good.)

(I was taught that it's gauche to talk about money. So let's not talk money. Let's talk opportunity costs. And I'm not even sweating the details like the de rigeur figure skater magnet for my car or the coffee needed to chauffeur kids to the rink twice a week before school.)

  • The kids share three half hour private lessons every week at a yearly cost of a one week villa rental in Tortola. That's just the lesson, the ice time sets me back a bottle of Penfolds Koonunga Hill Shiraz-Cabernet 2006. Each. That's a bottle of wine every night (except Sunday, because c'mon) with dinner.
  • Then there's off-ice strength training, competition fees, special skating tights, dresses, pants. . .

So what does this get me? Last month the World's Ice Skating Championships was on television. If you squinted really really hard, you still didn't see my kids. Unless you were looking in my family room window, and then I don't want to know. (1.5) And the winter Olympics in Vancouver in 2010? We saw them building the stadium last summer. And that's the closest we'll get to that.

I'm fully aware that I'm not raising champions on ice. Is their happiness worth a 2009 BMW x5? (2)

Take Jake. Jake used to walk into walls. Jake fell UP the stairs on a regular basis. Now look at him.

Noa didn't walk until she was almost two. Check her out now.

They're happy. They're strong. They're confident.

They are champions to me.

Anyway, if we didn't skate where would I go in my a BMW x5? And what tacky silver magnets would I decorate it with? (3)

1) "A recent article" is the second lamest way to start any piece of writing, following "The dictionary defines. . . " And yet, here we are.
1.5) This is where I remind you that we have a really big dog.
2) Gauche math is hard. Kids enjoyment of skating = 2009 BMW X5 - 2004 Honda Pilot with 60,000 miles.
3) Ending with a preposition is pretty major offense as well.


the mama bird diaries said...

Oh so cute. And I love the captions. They are champions to me too.

Stimey said...

They are adorable and talented, but so are BMWs. Maybe you could choose just one to get the lessons. You could pit them against each other in monthly cage fights to see who gets the lessons that month. Although it might be embarrassing when Jake had to wear Noa's outfit.

country mouse said...

Awww, Noa is darling! And I'm sure Jake is a fine skater, but the bad grammar in that song makes me so angry I can only sit here screaming obscenities at the singer, leaving me no room for paying attention to what is surely your *very* talented son.

I'm Julie said...

You tell Jake he makes ice skating look Hard Core. They both look like champs.

Sorta like how I feel about my daughter's Irish Dance. So what's a lifetime of poverty as long as the princess is happy.

I'm gonna shoot you an e-mail in the next few days - just got back from vacation in Utah where I had a brilliant idea for you (and me).

Hope you all are well.

Marinka said...

I am holding up two enormous "10" signs. They are definitely champions!