Tuesday, February 3, 2009

ShallowGal discovers a cure for Alzheimer's Disease

An article on AOL news today, caught ShallowGal's attention; it claims that drinking apple juice can slow the progression of Alzheimer's disease.(1) Ironically, SG has been working on a cure of her own.

You see ShallowGal swung by Sunrise today to visit Alzheimer Grandma. (2) All the residents were sitting in a circle in their chairs and wheelchairs. The aide put her hands together in a prayer motion and motioned to be quiet. ShallowGal is familiar with most of the World's major religions and isn't aware of any that worship on a Tuesday morning, but hey, live and learn.

The woman leading the service was colorfully dressed and enthusiastic. She led the mostly sleeping congregation in several prayers and a rousing rendition of Amazing Grace. And, oh yeah I almost forgot, she did the entire thing with her hand shoved up the backside of a giant ostrich puppet.

Not just a regular ostrich puppet either. This two foot tall bird was wearing a jaunty crocheted beret and a large fanny pack to store his Bible. And when the service was over, Oliver (3) kissed each resident on the top the their head and reminded them that they were G-d's favorite child. (4)

So here's my idea: Maybe, just maybe, if we remove ventriloquist ministers from the Alzheimer units, there will be just a little less chaos in those poor people's minds.

Lets see if Tropicana wants to study that.

1) This study may or may not have been sponsored by Tropicana.
2) I swear this isn't going to become one of those dying Alzheimer Grandma blogs that are flooding the internet today. But AG is back in Sunrise under the care of Hospice. Thank you all for your kind comments, tweets and e-mails.
3) Who said to me "But you can call me Ollie." He also had a middle name that I missed and no bloody way I was asking him to repeat it.
4) But when I try to pick a favorite child everyone gets all worked up. G-d gets all the breaks.


I'm Julie said...

Gawd Amighty.

NOTHING gets my goat worse than people treating old folks like stupid children.

I would have knocked that preacher ostrich upside the head and said, "oh, sorry. Forgot to drink my apple juice today."

the mama bird diaries said...

excellent post. you are funny.

Jodi said...

My grandmother had Alzheimer's. Sucks. Thank you for visiting your grandma.

Heather, Queen of Shake Shake said...

Why do those places insist on treating the elder like that? Gesh, let the people have some dignity. Or was it a comedy routine? If it was, well, I applaud it then.

David said...

Since all the patients probably couldn't care less, I would have heckled the ostrich mercilessly.

Ann's Rants said...

You really are funny. Thanks for having me over as secret spineless. It was an honor.

Rachel said...

Now that sounds like my kind of religion! How did you ever keep a straight face???

Also, thanks for hatin' on my MIL, ShallowGal!

Vodka Mom said...

i am laughing my ASS off right now. Holy shit.

Next time i put my hand up an Ostrich's ass, I'll think of her.

Coffee with Cathy said...

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog, because that led me to yours, which I officially adore. I love the grandma-with-Alzheimer's post because I'm in the same situation except with my mother-in-law. It's a daily adventure, isn't it? You gotta laugh.

jennygirltherat said...

Love this blog.
As if the Gmas and Gpas were not going thru hell already. On the other hand, the desire to torture her may have focused their minds in a wonderfully coherent way.

heartatpreschool said...

No, you can't make this shit up. Crazy!

I'll have to remember to be sure I find a non-ventriloquist-minister place for my Mom.

texasholly said...

OMG. OMG. I think you are on to something here.

Apple juice has nothing on you.

MommyTime said...

I can't imagine why the ostrich was supposed to be better at getting through to them than a human. Unless they were all ostrich farmers long ago -- which I doubt.