Thursday, February 12, 2009

I had a great title for this post but it was too long for the title box. Which has never happened to me before.

Noa's picked up a new catch phrase. She learned it from Jake who used it correctly, although not necessarily kindly:
Mom, no offense but you're kind of a hypocrite.
This attack was leveled when informed that he couldn't check a cookbook out of the library even though I planned to. Being as, I don't know, I plan meals and cook them? And his job is writing book reports and Rachel Ray isn't on the approved author list. (1) Before you rip into me about censorship, know that Jake has unusual and varied book tastes and needs to be reigned in.

Anywho, Noa's track record for correct usage her new favorite phrase is about 30%. There's the occasional lucky hit:

All the other moms wear make-up when they come to school. No offense.

But usually it seems to be a way to just add more words to her sentence. As if she needed the help: (2)

I'd like a cheeseburger with no pickles. No offense. (3)

I think I'll wear my gray shirt today. No offense.


I have 3 pages of math homework tonight. No offense

Which is more like a 25% accuracy rate, but math isn't her strong point.

And trust me, the irony of having a child worried about offending people, is not at all lost on me.

1) And, hey, no offense taken. Hypocrite is far from the worst thing ShallowGal got called that day.
2) No offense Noa.
3) According to a recent poll, pickles are the most easily offended condiment.


14 comments:

Rachel said...

How old is Noa, because my 9 year old daughter has recently begun to use this catch phrase, too!!! But she uses it correctly, mostly. As in: I think I'd rather have McDonald's than your homemade hamburgers, Mom. No offense."

Marinka said...

My son uses that phrase too. And I even wrote a post about it. But I'm too lazy to look for it. No offense.

Christy said...

I remember going through my 'no offense' stage too...and I'm pretty sure I told my mom the exact thing Rachel's mom is now telling her. Very funny post!

David said...

Oh how as children we loved taking on phrases we thought were "adult." Maybe it's a good thing I'm not a parent as I'd be jonesing for every opportunity to throw that phrase back at them: "Jake, have you considered showering more than once a week? No offense." "Noa, no offense but you might want to consider making sure you really flushed the toilet after using it."

dizzblnd said...

Kids are great.. just hope they don't learn wordslike "weenis" google it

iMommy said...

I am so NOT Google-ing Weenis. That just sounds like a bad, bad idea.

Anywho... My kid's favorite phrase right now is "In a minute!" Obviously she hears Mommy say that one all the time ;-)

I don't really use "no offense" but I'm sure she'll pick it up once she gets to school. That should be interesting :)

iMommy said...

Ok so I did look up weenis. Apparently it's the skin on your elbow. Not as cool or disgusting as I'd hoped it would be. LoL.

Stimey said...

Pickles are rather shat upon aren't they? People get tomatoes, but it's always "hold the pickles," isn't it?

Stupid pickle haters. No offense.

the mama bird diaries said...

Oh, i had a ruthless "no offense" stage in the eighties.

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

Damn. My kids are all ABOUT offending. I WISH they would pick up this phrase. Or at least the sentiment behind it.

Belle said...

My daughter's is;
To tell you the truth.
This preceeds all sentences. Which just proves what I've always thought. She lies all the time.

countrymouse said...

None of my kids ever did the 'no offense' thing, but my youngest did manage to pick up a few expressions from his older sibs. When he could barely talk he mastered the L sign on the forehead and yelled "Woser!" At about 3, whenever he was dawdling and we'd try to hurry him up to go somewhere he'd cry, "I. Have. Issues!"

*sigh* The good ole days : )

Schmutzie said...

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texasholly said...

This was pure genius. I loved the addition of statistics to my usual love of the footnote. Now if you could just work in a graph of some sort I would just move in over here.