Lesson #1: Next year, SG is going to bring an interpreter to BlogHer. Because the agenda is filled with interesting, yet massively confusingly named seminars. To wit: SG was not supposed to wear her prairie skirt to Bloggers are Pioneers in a Post-“Employee” World. However Make Your Blog More Accessible meant building virtual wheelchair ramps which is exactly what SG thought it sounded like, but couldn't imagine it really was.
Lesson #2: Don't attend a session like LifeBlogging Outside the Lines: When you’re not a Geek, a Political Wonk or a MommyBlogger if you actually are a Mommy blogger. Because, dude, mommy bloggers are like the Jon Gosselins of the blogosphere. At least according to the angry garden bloggers that SG met there.
Lesson #3) Little Debbie cupcakes make fantastic fake boobs. SG discovered this totally by accident while trying to smuggle snack cakes out of the bowling alley in her bra. (1) Which leads us to . . .
Lesson #4) Swag is a hot topic and SG totally didn't know it. Hell, SG's roommate actually gave her swag bag to a homeless man on the way back from a party. And not in a holier-than-thou way, but in a I-don't-need-it-but-he does way. Yes the swag was nice. PCSguy was pretty darn happy with his new Kodak video camera and Noa's been carrying her fur bowling bag everywhere. But SG witnessed no hoarding or pushing. But then again, this year SG ran with a fairly classy crowd.
Lesson #5) Fake Jessica can't bowl.
Do I need to spell everything out for you? Fine. Marinka and SG went to BowlHer with the phenomenal Jessica Bern who ditched us within seconds of entering the bowling alley. Ever the optimist, SG still entered her name on the automatic scorer. Short a bowler, SG introduced herself to a woman named Bing who was helpfully wearing a tee shirt that said Bing.com. At least SG thought that was what she said her name was, but possibly the shirt confused her. (2) Since Bing.com is actually Microsoft's new search engine.
Because SG wasn't 100% positive that Bing's name really was Bing, she avoided any uncomfortable situations by just calling her Fake Jessica. Way less awkward. (3)
Lesson #4) Roughly one out of every three bloggers is named Amy. (4) As a sub-lesson, if you turn around every time someone calls out the name Amy, you will be late for lunch. And look a teeny bit like a loser when you turn around and go to hug someone who is looking over your shoulder.
Lesson #5) If you wait a week to post your BlogHer recap, someone else will steal your idea and you will have no way to prove you thought of it first.
1) Storing things in her bra in definitely one of SG's more endearing habits.
2) Like when you look at something like this: RED. Also, FYI, according to the accessible blog lady, this footnote is a no-no as it makes no sense to my blind readers.
3) Except for Fake Jessica who bowled, I kid you not, a 9.
4) If this were America's Next Top Model, Tyra would make us all change our names. SG would be Delores because there aren't enough top models named Delores.
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16 comments:
You are a riot, I love the footnotes, never lose them. Angry garden bloggers made me laugh out loud and finally, I'm so glad I met you and I wish we'd had more time to talk.
I love the footnotes too!
Blogher sounded like it was a blast. I hope I can make it next year.
And, what are angry garden bloggers????
See, you can tell anymommy is an attorney because she reads for content.
I had to go back and find the phrase "angry garden bloggers"
Not only did I enjoy meeting you and seeing your cupcake boobs and reading this post, but now I have outed myself as a terrible blog-skimmer.
xo.
GAWD I would have really sucked at BlogHer. Thanks for taking it for the team! And I had no idea there was such a thing as a garden blogger. I may make up my own kind of blogger for next year.
Does that mean you can now claim that you ate your boobs?
There were snack cakes at the bowling party?!?!? I knew I should have gone.
"Mommy bloggers are the Jon Gosselins of the blogosphere" - that.is.awesome.
I bet fake Jessica was nowhere near as funny as real Jessica either.
Loved meeting you at BlogHer, only wish I'd gotten a chance to talk to you further!
I don't have a comment. But I think I just woke the kids, reading the last 3 weeks on the blog.
Because I was actually caught up before that.
Had a GREAT time with you this weekend!
See, I thought it just said "angry bloggers" till I read the anymommy and Inna and Ann's Rants comments and then had to go back to find the word garden -- which means something I can't tell you.
Was there any advice about how to write more coherent comments? Oh, yes, we're still waiting on Marinka's tutorial for that.
You are brilliant. All I have to say.
Except that you numbered #4 and #5 twice, which is either a really subtle, clever way to add another layer of humor to your post or you are really not brilliant.
What?! There were angry garden bloggers there?
I am so going next year!
I'm absolutely positive that homeless man is wearing those slipper right now.
Great, great recap, SG. And thank you for referring to me as "classy" even though I smelled like flop sweat and wine 90% of the time.
OK, you killed me with your post title alone.
And I thought every blogger's name was Jennifer.
And you actually BOWLED at BowlHer?
Huh.
Great to meet you at BlogHer, as brief as it may have been.
Thank you so much for the present! I ate the whole thing! ....what? It wasn't a food? Oh....anyways, eating solids is so much fun:-) Baby Hana
I missed the angry garden bloggers. How could that have happened?
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