Lesson #1: Next year, SG is going to bring an interpreter to BlogHer. Because the agenda is filled with interesting, yet massively confusingly named seminars. To wit: SG was not supposed to wear her prairie skirt to Bloggers are Pioneers in a Post-“Employee” World. However Make Your Blog More Accessible meant building virtual wheelchair ramps which is exactly what SG thought it sounded like, but couldn't imagine it really was.
Lesson #2: Don't attend a session like LifeBlogging Outside the Lines: When you’re not a Geek, a Political Wonk or a MommyBlogger if you actually are a Mommy blogger. Because, dude, mommy bloggers are like the Jon Gosselins of the blogosphere. At least according to the angry garden bloggers that SG met there.
Lesson #3) Little Debbie cupcakes make fantastic fake boobs. SG discovered this totally by accident while trying to smuggle snack cakes out of the bowling alley in her bra. (1) Which leads us to . . .
Lesson #4) Swag is a hot topic and SG totally didn't know it. Hell, SG's roommate actually gave her swag bag to a homeless man on the way back from a party. And not in a holier-than-thou way, but in a I-don't-need-it-but-he does way. Yes the swag was nice. PCSguy was pretty darn happy with his new Kodak video camera and Noa's been carrying her fur bowling bag everywhere. But SG witnessed no hoarding or pushing. But then again, this year SG ran with a fairly classy crowd.
Lesson #5) Fake Jessica can't bowl.
Do I need to spell everything out for you? Fine. Marinka and SG went to BowlHer with the phenomenal Jessica Bern who ditched us within seconds of entering the bowling alley. Ever the optimist, SG still entered her name on the automatic scorer. Short a bowler, SG introduced herself to a woman named Bing who was helpfully wearing a tee shirt that said Bing.com. At least SG thought that was what she said her name was, but possibly the shirt confused her. (2) Since Bing.com is actually Microsoft's new search engine.
Because SG wasn't 100% positive that Bing's name really was Bing, she avoided any uncomfortable situations by just calling her Fake Jessica. Way less awkward. (3)
Lesson #4) Roughly one out of every three bloggers is named Amy. (4) As a sub-lesson, if you turn around every time someone calls out the name Amy, you will be late for lunch. And look a teeny bit like a loser when you turn around and go to hug someone who is looking over your shoulder.
Lesson #5) If you wait a week to post your BlogHer recap, someone else will steal your idea and you will have no way to prove you thought of it first.
1) Storing things in her bra in definitely one of SG's more endearing habits.
2) Like when you look at something like this: RED. Also, FYI, according to the accessible blog lady, this footnote is a no-no as it makes no sense to my blind readers.
3) Except for Fake Jessica who bowled, I kid you not, a 9.
4) If this were America's Next Top Model, Tyra would make us all change our names. SG would be Delores because there aren't enough top models named Delores.