And even today, I still always look at my groceries and wonder:
What would Self Magazine Say? (2)
I figure the interview would go something like this:
Self Magazine: A gallon of low fat organic milk and whole wheat bread with no high fructose corn syrup. That's a pretty good start.
ShallowGal: Thanks. We only drink about a gallon a week, so it's not a big deal to buy it organic. And I read the low fat allows you to absorb more calcium than skim milk.
Self Magazine: Berries, carrots and broccoli. Not bad. The berries are one of the things you should buy organic. And you could stand some more dark greens.
ShallowGal: I know. When the weather gets nicer and I can go to the farmer's market, I will. And Millie just brought me a cantaloupe and some red peppers so I didn't need too much more produce.
Self Magazine: OK, not a big deal, you don't need to get all defensive, this is just a friendly little page filler. So here, the four pounds of chicken is fine,if not a little ambitious, but you know to limit red meat to once a week right? And fish. You should be eating fish four times a week.
Self Magazine: Holy cereal batman! What was there, a sale?
Self Magazine: Pretty. It's nice to treat yourself to something non caloric sometimes.
ShallowGal: Yes, non caloric treats. Exactly what I was thinking when I bought them.
Self Magazine : Oh yeah, we heard about this. So where's the rest of the wine?
ShallowGal: Just the one bottle.
Self Magazine: So you don't mind if we go look in the car?
ShallowGal: No, go right ahe. . .Stop! Wait. . . fine. There's 3 more bottles in the car.
Self Magazine: Three more?
ShallowGal: Five. You get a ten percent discount for buying six.
Self Magazine: And those baby bottle nipples on top of the cookbook. Are those from the foster baby you had here the first week in January? It's mid-March! How often do you clean this kitchen?
Self Magazine: Lunchables! Lordy, is this a joke? They're filled with sodium and nitrates! How long would it take to just make a sandwich anyway? And there's a rumor you call them DINNERABLES. I knew you were full of shit with all that chicken. What do you do all day, that come 5 o'clock all you have the energy left to do is pull off a plastic cover?
ShallowGal: Actually the kids can do that themselves.
Self Magazine: Wow, all that pretend turkey makes you snarky. And what's the deal with the toaster? Everytime we see a picture it's a different one. I've never met anyone who cycles thru toasters and dishwashers this quickly. What exactly goes on in here?
I think we all see now why that particular feature ended.
1) Maybe they still do, my subscription ran out. Hint hint Self Magazine!
2) Get it? WWSMS.