How to handle a fruit fly infestation, ShallowGal style.

1) Admit you have a problem. (1) Admit you are powerless over millions of teeny flies that swarm possessively throughout your kitchen.

2) Send Jake to google "fruit flies in pantry." Still feeling all Vermont-y, decide against chemical solution and make two fruit fly traps using a water bottle and apple cider vinegar. (2)

3) Empty everything from the afflicted pantry. Scrub shelves.

SG considers it a small victory that she didn't repaint the pantry whilst she was at it. Baby steps.

4. Place contents haphazardly on kitchen table. Realize you now have no place to eat. Remember nice big table on deck. Check weather: no rain expected until Saturday. Problem basically solved. (3)

4) Become sidetracked by checking expiration dates on food. Today's winner: baking powder that expired in 2004. Realize explanation for 4 1/2 years of flat cookies.

5) Faithful readers totally know what happens next. ShallowGal replaces all the spices in the pantry alphabetically. Food is harder to organize so ShallowGal decides she needs more modular mates. Logs on to tupperware.com but her hunter green color has been discontinued. Starts surfing eBay. Stumbles upon something called oso * Fresh. Spend rest of the night googling why silver helps keep food fresh.

5) Lose interest in the entire project. Hope kitchen fairies make overnight visit.

Bad kichen fairies.

1) Jokes about alcoholics? Never get old. Hence, SG's new label "SG hopes they serve beer in Hell."
2) Someone actually invented a trap that catches the fruit fly but doesn't harm it so you can take it back outside and release it outside. This is a bug with a life span of 7 days. You make the call.
3) Except for the fruit flies and the crap on the kitchen table.