Monday, September 22, 2008

In which ShallowGal works through her writer's block with various forms of plagiary (1)

ShallowGal rarely talks about her favorite blogs; mostly because there's an excellent chance you'll go there and won't come back, but also, just in case she needs to resort to plagiarism.

Quick tangent: According to Wikipedia, self-plagiarism is a serious problem. (2) Which reminds SG of this conversation she had with her always stoned neighbor while digging out her car back during the blizzard of 1996:

StonerNeighbor: Hey you're a lawyer, right?
ShallowGal: Maybe. (3)
SN: I have a question. If we build an igloo and get stoned inside and then the igloo collapses, are we liable?
SG: Liable to who?
SN: Good point. Want to come in our igloo and get stoned?

SG: Maybe. (3.5)

So now on top of everything, SG needs to worry that she's going to be liable for copying her own essay on her pot holder drawer.

To be fair, when ShallowGal first shared her pot holder drawer, this blog averaged 11 hits a day, 9 of which were PCSguy. So this is new stuff to most of SG's three dozen or so readers. It's like if Tolstoy wrote a novel when he was eleven called "civil disobedience and friendship." (4) Where's the harm?

Now that we've dismissed the self plagiarism charges, let's get to the point. Over the years, ShallowGal has followed many great women. She still worships Bossy. And will continue to get small tattoos between her toes honoring Jenny the Bloggess. (5) But SG's newest obsession is June Cleaver Nirvana.

Every Monday, Holly hosts a potluck where (among other topics) she talks about her coccyx and describes the contents of her fruit bowl. ShallowGal's coccyx is clearly off limits.

But like four days ago, when ShallowGal started what she thought would be a quick filler Thursday post, she decided to rip off Holly's brilliant idea without actually being a loser copy cat because . . .

ShallowGal actually has three fruit bowls.

The first one has 2 onions and some garlic. The second one has a bunch of random winter squash that will either be a Halloween decorations or compost. Because winter squash is yummy but a massive hassle.

The third fruit bowl contains this:

Hence the reference to ShallowGal's pot holder drawer.

In no particular order: Ketchup flavored potato chips, a Diego leapster game, the instructions to the badminton (6) set, an open single serving package of chex mix, the top to the lemonade pitcher, some chocolate teddy grahams, 3 pairs of toddler sized souvenir Alaska socks, a paper towel sample which SG was saving for a special occassion and garlic which thought it was too good to be in the first fruit bowl.

But remove the top layer of crap, and possibly, just possibly we'll find fruit.

An optimist. How cute.

"But ShallowGal," you wonder aloud. "You pay $24 a week for a delivery of local organic produce. Where do you keep that?"

Silly reader. I store that in the delivery tub next to my desk.

1) ShallowGal would like to go on record as saying that plagiary is the single hardest word she's ever tried to spell. It took 2 adults with advanced degrees two different dictionaries to figure it out. PCSguy still isn't convinced it's really a word.
2) And we all know if it's on Wikipedia, it must be true.
3) The answers to the following questions are ALWAYS maybe: Are you a lawyer? I
s that your child?
3.5) Do you want to get stoned in my igloo? The third in the trilogy of mandatory maybe answers.
4) SG did not really just compare herself to Tolstoy.
5) How full of yourself do you have to be to link back to your posts about other bloggers instead of to that blog itself?

6) This post just officially became SG's worst spelling nightmare. Badminton. Please. Not only has SG been spelling it wrong for almost 40 years, she's been saying it wrong.


texasholly said...

Holy crap I am laughing so hard I can't type straight while simultaneously worried about how I have been saying and spelling badmitten? badmitton? badmettin? badmiddon? badmieowieksjdhfksdjhn? Holy, holy crap.

And thank you very much for mentioning me in the same sentence as Bossy and the bloggess. I may just sit here at your blog and stare at the screen for hours...

Can I also just sit and admire your use of footnotes? Brilliant. Serious genius. I am totally going to plagiarize once I am sure that is how to spell it.

sista #2 said...


Well....did you get stoned in his igloo??? I would have. but that's me.

My fruit bowl has 1950's plastic fruit in it....but under the fruit is a pen, broken crayon and a bobbypin.


Colleen said...

I must get me a damned fruit bowl.

I'm Julie said...

Let me tell you what happens in Julie's house, while Julie is reading SG's blog, and laughing her ass off:

Julie's 20 month old son gets himself completely naked, pries open the undersink cabinet door, gets the bottle of Simple Green and dumps it all over himself. Freakey.

Maybe it's time to pay attention to the kid? But SG is SOOO damn funny! I buy Simple Green because it's non-toxic, after all!!

Stimey said...

Your house sounds suspiciously like my house. Only things seem funnier at your house.

BOSSY said...

You are a funny funny gal.

Kelley said...

I make up words all the time and then go and enter them on wikipedia to annoy the Damn Emos. I am pretty sure plagiarism is one of mine.

I think I have found your problem. Pink attracts clutter. Cause my daughters room is pink. Get yourself a green fruit bowl and all will be good.

Adding you to my feedreaderythingamadoobie as soon as I enter feedreaderythingamadoobie to wikipedia.

ShallowGal said...

You guys are, hands down, the best readers a blog could have!

xoxo, Amy