In stomachache inducing order, the things that ShallowGal is worried about before attending her first BlogHer.
1) ShallowGal's elevator pitch. When SG
corners accidentally runs into Jenny the Bloggess in an elevator and foists a toaster upon her, and Jenny asks ShallowGal what her blog is about, we won't have another Bossy debacle. You know, where SG meets her idol and starts stuttering "It's, um, about my life, I guess? My friend Tracy calls it a blog about nothing, but in a good way. It's sort of kind of my place to be silly and creative, and I try to be funny but it's not really a humor blog. And I use a template because I don't know HTML. And I'm a mom and I write about my kids but it's not a mommy blog. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Do you know what I mean?"
Then, while slowly backing as far away as a hotel elevator will allow, Jenny the Bloggess will ask ShallowGal why there's an octopus on her card and SG replies "I like octopus. Octopuses? Octopusssy?"
And then Jenny pulls open the elevator door to escape and ShallowGal is forever known as "the crazy woman who scared Jenny the Bloggess to death at BlogHer." All because of a bad elevator pitch. You can't live that shit down.
2) Which movie to watch on the plane. You simply cannot leave these things to chance on a six hour flight. ShallowGal was really hoping for Mamma Mia. But apparently United and SG have a different definition of "almost first run movies."
In July, United offers a choice between Mama's Boy and War / Dance. So it's either the worst movie ever reviewed or a documentary about Ugandan refugees who want to enter a dance contest. For real. Can you even imagine how boring SG would be having just seen a documentary? Lord have mercy on all your souls. (1)
Plus ShallowGal has award envy.
Possibly ShallowGal should use that time constructively. Like thinking of an elevator pitch.
3) What ShallowGal will be fed on the plane. Airplane food is kind of fun. It's a surprise, plus it's served in cute little dishes. ShallowGal isn't a picky eater, so long as it's not fish, meat, vegetables that aren't green or saucy foods. SG's concern is that the flight attendant will offer her something like this:
But since SG isn't flying Air Uzbekistan she should be fine.
Plus there's apparently a restaurant or two in San Francisco. And she'll be there by lunchtime. Chances of ShallowGal starving to death are low.
4) Shoes. Surprised that this falls so far down the list? ShallowGal is full of surprises. Pre-conference pamphlets instruct attendees to bring two pairs of comfortable shoes. Hell, SG doesn't go to the bathroom without packing two pairs of shoes. SG has an entire suitcase and nary a pull-up nor a webkinz to put in it. SG packed every pair of shoes she owns.
5) Everything else. Missing my kids, them missing me, an earthquake, being a colossal doofus.
1) Is anyone else concerned that SG seems convinced she's going to accidentally kill someone at BlogHer?