Sunday, July 13, 2008

ShallowGal's Pre BlogHer obsessions

In stomachache inducing order, the things that ShallowGal is worried about before attending her first BlogHer.

1) ShallowGal's  elevator pitch.  When SG corners accidentally runs into Jenny the Bloggess in an elevator and foists a toaster upon her, and Jenny asks ShallowGal what her blog is about, we won't have another Bossy debacle.  You know, where SG meets her idol and starts stuttering "It's, um, about my life, I guess?  My friend Tracy calls it a blog about nothing, but in a good way.  It's sort of kind of my place to be silly and creative, and I try to be funny but it's not really a humor blog. And I use a template because I don't know HTML.  And I'm a mom and I write about my kids but it's not a mommy blog.  Not that there's anything wrong with that. Do you know what I mean?"

Then, while slowly backing as far away as a hotel elevator will allow, Jenny the Bloggess will ask ShallowGal why there's an octopus on her card and SG replies "I like octopus.  Octopuses?  Octopusssy?"

And then Jenny pulls open the elevator door to escape and ShallowGal is forever known as "the crazy woman who scared Jenny the Bloggess to death at BlogHer." All because of a bad elevator pitch.  You can't live that shit down.  

2)  Which movie to watch on the plane.  You simply cannot leave these things to chance on a six hour flight.  ShallowGal was really hoping for Mamma Mia.  But apparently United and SG have a different definition of "almost first run movies." 

In July, United offers a choice between Mama's Boy and War / Dance.  So it's either the worst movie ever reviewed or a documentary about Ugandan refugees who want to enter a dance contest.  For real.  Can you even imagine how boring SG would be having just seen a documentary?  Lord have mercy on all your souls. (1)

Plus ShallowGal has award envy.

Possibly ShallowGal should use that time constructively.  Like thinking of an elevator pitch. 

3) What ShallowGal will be fed on the plane. Airplane food is kind of fun.  It's a surprise, plus it's served in cute little dishes.  ShallowGal isn't a picky eater, so long as it's not fish, meat, vegetables that aren't green or saucy foods.  SG's concern is that the flight attendant will offer her something like this:

But since SG isn't flying Air Uzbekistan she should be fine.

Plus there's apparently a restaurant or two in San Francisco. And she'll be there by lunchtime. Chances of ShallowGal starving to death are low. 

4) Shoes.  Surprised that this falls so far down the list?  ShallowGal is full of surprises.  Pre-conference pamphlets instruct attendees to bring two pairs of comfortable shoes.  Hell, SG doesn't go to the bathroom without packing two pairs of shoes.  SG has an entire suitcase and nary a pull-up nor a webkinz to put in it.  SG packed every pair of shoes she owns.  

5) Everything else.  Missing my kids, them missing me, an earthquake, being a colossal doofus.

1) Is anyone else concerned that SG seems convinced she's going to accidentally kill someone at BlogHer? 


Stimey said...

1. If I run into Jenny, I will probably stare uncomfortably at my shoes and pretend I'm in town for American Idol auditions. Oh, and octopi.

2. Dear God. Take a DVD for your laptop.

3. No comment.

4. You've already packed? Can you imagine? No toys or pull-ups. We're free! We're free!

5. You'll be fine. Unless you do kill someone, in which case, you're completely hosed.

Jenny, the Bloggess said...

When people ask me what my blog is about (right after they ask me "What's a blog?") I used to say "Nothing". Now I just say "It's about my vagina". I'm just going to embarrass myself anyway so might as well get it over with.

I can't wait to meet you and your octopussy cards. You're coming to the People's Party Thursday night, right?

countrymouse said...

I love Jenny, the bloggess as much as the next guy, but I'm thinkin that she's going to be so full of booze and anti-anxiety meds that you could strip naked and puke on her shoes and she probably won't flinch. That's what I love about her : )

Have fun!!!!!

Trish and Miller said...

We would love to see you while you are in San Fran! Get the number from PCS Guy.

Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

Funny stuff! Hang with Stimey in the elevator and you two can guffaw inappropriately. And if I was going, your swag would totally win me over ;-)

What text did you end up putting on the octopus cards?

sista #2 said...

Just who is Jenny the Bloggess and does she drink beer?

have fun!


Gayle said...

hey - it's gayle (from bossy's road trip pit stop in DC). i've been trying to email you but i don't have your email address for some reason. can you email me at

i can't go to blogher this year (family vacation) and i am sooo bummed. :(


Amy said...

So it's settled. And Jenny, as long as you don't mind I'll tell them that my blog is also about your vagina. And my inability to determine exactly when it is I've gone too far. And I can't wait for the People's Party. I'll be the drooling idiot in the corner behind the plant.

Stimey, thanks settling the octopi debate. And btw, just in case, can you bring your checkbook to post bail?

Trish and Miller: I am *SO* calling you guys. I have to get my hands on that BABY while she's still a baby.

Sue: I ended up with these tiny little midget cards with no room for text. But I awarded Emily the $37 in Wildfire gift cards for "to ink or not to ink."

Thanks everyone else for the positive thoughts! I wish you all were coming too, maybe next year, so long as I'm I don't embarass myself too badly this year. Or kill someone.

xoxo, SG

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