Monday, March 31, 2008

The time ShallowGal told PCSguy the vasectomy didn't take

Hey there PCSguy ! How's Chicago? Sell many printer cartridges? Remember the time we went to Vegas and the omelet guy at brunch told us that he had two kids after his vasectomy? I don't know why I thought of that.

I was thinking about the very first time I ever told you I was pregnant. June 1997: I was like 11 minutes pregnant. But I was so excited that I drove to your office to show you the pregnancy test. We jumped up and down in the parking lot across from the Crate and Barrel outlet. We kept that secret for 13 weeks because we were so superstitious. Our own little secret.

The second time I was caught a wee bit off guard. Remember how the sewer pipe had burst and there wasn't any water in the house? I kept thinking that it was so ironic that I had to pee so badly all of a sudden when there wasn't a working bathroom. Finally the light bulb went off and I explained to the plumber why I was crying about a sewer pipe. Then I tried to teach Jake to say "I'm going to be a big brother" but he wasn't even two yet. But you were the third to know. Hey I was already 8 weeks pregnant, there wasn't much point keeping it a secret.

The third and fourth times are kind of a blur. It was the winter of '03 and spring of '04 ~ during that time when your dad was so sick. I can't remember how I told you but I'm sure it wasn't anything special. Even with all this practice, I've never been good at breaking the news in a particularly clever or original way.

So the fifth time I was totally freaked out. 2004 had just sucked big time, with the 2 miscarriages and then your dad's death. I told you in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner. You had been traveling but I didn't want to tell you on the phone and I had already told a few of my friends. Fine all my friends. But I needed my maternity clothes back, otherwise I probably would have told you first.

The sixth time was kind of a bad scene. I vaguely recall hurling a pregnancy test at you while you were watching tv. After I lost the baby at 10 weeks, I felt really bad about that.

I don't suppose you see where this is going by any chance?

Hmmm, let me think

Yes, I know you're tired and jet lagged but c'mon, put on that thinking cap. Maybe one of you can give him a hint?

Oooh, I know, I know !

Happy April Fools Day, PCSguy, 3 hours early.


vuboq said...

vuboq is bad at math ... and has had A LOT of vodka (there's still 19 minutes left in March!) ... so, um, you have 54 children? No wonder you are a Hot Tranny Mess.


countrymouse said...

Thank you, Vuboq--I couldn't quite do the math either, only not because I've had a drop of alcohol in the last month (I know, I live a deprived, sad little life.)

54 children. And another few on the way?! Congrats! I wouldn't have thought to make my hubby crap his pants for April Fool's day ; )

Anonymous said... got me!


Gloria said...

ha ha ha


Amy said...

Last count I think it was 52 children. I'll let them all out of the closet and do a recount and let you know. xoxo, SG

First Time Dad said...

k... well you had me until I scrolled all the way to the bottom of the posting....

Stimey said...

That's a good one. I wish I'd thought of it. My April Fools joke didn't work.