Thursday, April 10, 2008


ShallowGal and her 10 year old son spent last night in our local emergency room. And ShallowGal is here to report that it was nothing like what happens on Thursdays at 10 on NBC.

Jake started complaining of a sharp stomach pain right after school. By dinner time he was clutching his left side and moaning. ShallowGal did a quick google search which revealed that Jake was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy and immediately whisked him away .

We arrived around 8 pm. The waiting room was filled with people watching some American Idol special. ShallowGal filled out some paperwork, forked over her $100 co-pay and sat down to wait.

ShallowGal has spent more than her fair share of time in emergency rooms. That'll happen when you have 3 kids and like 78 old people in your care. One summer weekend in 2002, ShallowGal actually ended up in three different emergency rooms in as many days when Noa, not yet 2, repeatedly stopped breathing. The last time ShallowGal actually burst into the ER with Noa in her arms screaming "my baby's not breathing." (1) Now that was like ER.

Jake was seen by a triage nurse and aside from his pain, had no other symptoms. However his moaning was upsetting all the other patients in the waiting room so she moved us to the front of the line and into the first available ER bed. With 'first available' meaning only 42 minutes.

After like 11 more hours, the doctor came in. He looked nothing like Goran Visnjic.

Just cause a girl's married with a pregnant son
doesn't mean she can't look

They did some x-rays and some other tests and a week from next Thursday came back to report that Jake had gas. Then once time had completely stopped, they decided to send him home and have him follow up today with his pediatrician. By this time ShallowGal had actually finished medical school and her surgical residency and had cured Jake anyway.

Now I'm glad Jake's all better, and I'm sure that my new medical degree will come in handy, but ShallowGal can't help but fantasize about what else she could have spent that $100 on. (2)

Like this Anna Sui dress.
Or a $100 knock-off of this Anna Sui dress

1) It's so nice of you to ask. The first diagnosis was asthma but she's never had any other issues. She spent a couple days taking xopenex through a nebulizer and was fine. Just one of those things. One of those things that takes 4 years off a mother's life that is.
2) You don't earn the title ShallowGal by being all altruistic.


Anonymous said...

I applaud your diagnostic ability. I myself am an amature diagnostician. I once took my 7 year old son to the ER for what turned out to be a $1,000 enema. I was sure it was his appendix! Turns out if you eat 7 large suckers in one day it kind of rocks your world. - Kym Smith

vuboq said...

One especially eventful summer, after admitting me to the ER for the second time (and my brother's 3rd visit!), the Head ER Nurse asked my father, "Reverend (yes, I'm a PK), how many sons you got?"

Aaaaaaaaah. Childhood and fun random injuries.

Influencebad said...

You are absolutely amazing. I love how you can write about these serious subjects and still have me laughing. ^_^ I'm glad everything was okay.