Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Eli and the Showgirl

Eli's in love. Again.

Eli's been in love twice before. First with Courtney. Courtney was the 14 year old who got paid $5 an hour to play with Eli during swim team practice. Because ShallowGal was busy curing diabetes. Fine I just needed a break. Have you ever tried to entertain a two year old poolside, in the broiling sun for two solid hours, five days a week for 8 weeks? Then don't judge me.

Eli and Courtney would spend their time together eating fruit snacks and hitting bumblebees with a stick. I think we've already established that I'm a total slacker mom. Drop it already. Every morning Eli would wake up and announce "my dreamed that me and Courtney were eating fruit snacks." Lucky kid. I always dream that I'm back in high school and I can't remember my locker combination.

The second time he fell in love with a waitress at Hooters. PCSguy took the boys to Hooters when Noa and I went to New York. (1) Apparently the waitress brought Eli his chicken strips and said "here's your food baby" to which Eli replied "me not a baby, me Eli." Then he patted the chair next to him and said "you sit here." That relationship was over as soon as PCSguy paid the bill.

This time Eli's in love with a showgirl.

This showgirl to be specific

Noa met this Showgirl on a Carnival cruise back in 2002. Wasn't she adorable? Noa. Noa's the adorable one here. The showgirl is a heart stealing hussy. PCSguy found this picture in a drawer a few weeks ago. Immediately Eli became obsessed with this showgirl.

Someone asked Eli what he liked about the showgirl and he answered "she has nice teeth." PCSguy is teaching that kid well. Eli also likes to point out that she's not wearing pants. He's kind of obsessed with who is and isn't wearing pants.

Ask Eli what he wants to do today and he'll promptly answer "go see the showgirl." Give him some candy and he'll lay half of it aside for her. The guest list for his next birthday party. . . you got it. Don't think ShallowGal isn't above exploiting this relationship. All I have to say is "you don't want the showgirl to see you with a messy face" and Eli's in the shower washing up. The showgirl also doesn't like children who eat with their fingers or who scream in the car. One night when Eli resisted going to bed, I told him he was allowed to dream about the showgirl.(2)

Next morning I asked Eli how he slept. "Good," he said. "My dreamed that me and Courtney and the showgirl were eating fruit snacks." Holy crap. A preschooler menage a trois.

1) It's not nearly as subversive as he'd like you to think; Hooters has a kids menu and crayons.
2) FYI, I also tell PCSguy what he's allowed to dream about. Is that weird?


countrymouse said...

Omigosh--that could *totally* work for potty training! "Showgirl doesn't like boys with poopy pants . . . "

Maybe you're beyond potty training? Doesn't matter. Showgirl is so. much. better. than Santa!!!!!

vuboq said...

Was her name Lola?
If so, that spells nothing but Trouble.

Mary said...

Gotta love those dreams of high school and the cold, blank panic of forgetting your locker combination.

I'll see your little one and raise you an 11 yr. old (with 23 yr. old and 18 yr. old sisters) who just papered her walls with pictures of men. *sigh* Not even current, trendy men - men found while poking around the garage and finding her oldest sister's stuff she left here after moving out.

My other two were still into ponies, stickers, and lollipops at this age.

I found your blog via Kristin (Country Mouse) and it's absolutely wonderful. I'm looking forward to visiting often.