Or in my case WTMI (1)
ShallowGal was expecting an important phone call. One to tell her if Eli had been accepted into preschool. FREE three day a week preschool. In other words, a momentous phone call.
So obviously this call was going to come at the worst time.
ShallowGal and her friend Linda were shopping at Nordstrom Rack. ShallowGal was trying to combat her exhaustion with copious amounts of diet coke. After her third one, Linda remarked that ShallowGal was going to need to pee again, soon.
Duh and big whoop. (2)
ShallowGal always times her Nordstrom Rack expedition to the second. It takes exactly 32 minutes to get from the parking lot to Eli's preschool, assuming no traffic. Being a giant ass, ShallowGal therefore leave at precisely 12:58, allowing her to shop until the last second and avoid a late pick-up fee.
At 12:55 ShallowGal paid and turned towards the ladies room. Exactly three minutes to pee and walk to the car.
Of course that's when the phone rang.
Now ShallowGal had been waiting all week for this call. So she did what any mother in the same position would do.
She took the call while peeing.
But to avoid sounding like an idiot she pretended it was her three year old using the potty. So now, not only was ShallowGal using the bathroom while on the phone, she was simultaneously talking to a pretend three year old at the time. (3)
So not only does the teacher see right through me, but now everyone at Nordstroms thinks I'm nuts too. (4)
"That's fine, thank you, yes I'll do that, hold on a minute please. (To pretend child) OK sweetie, pull up your pants and let's go wash your hands. (To teacher) I'm back, sorry, he just can't wait."
The only thing that could make it worse? Confess to the entire world. ShallowGal is now officially a mommy blogger.
Goodbye all my cool new friends who will now leave me for someone slightly less strechmarked. I really enjoyed meeting you all. Please remember me fondly.
1) WAY too much information.
2) Act your age, SG, not your shoe size.
3) Although anyone who has ever met my three year old knows that ShallowGal could never talk more than 8 consecutive seconds without a constant background stream of "who is it?" "Can I talk" "My turn to talk!"
4) Welcome to the club, nice people at Nordstroms!